The Politicus

Create | Share | Influence

GOP expecting 50,000 bipedal disease vectors at August convention

2 min read

Seeding 50,000 enthusiastic Republican voters with coronavirus and then sending them home to their Republican friends and loved ones sounds like a diabolical Democratic plan, but no. It’s the current roadmap for a Donald Trump 2020 reelection victory.

These folks have already abandonded their dignity and their country to worship at the cloven hooves of Donald Trump. Why not their lives, too?

Here’s a plan: Hand out Nikes at the door and wait for the Hale-Bopp aliens to take them to a faraway paradise where windmills cause cancer and you can instantly kill deadly viruses by pointing your asshole at the summer solstice sun.


In a statement Saturday marking 100 days to go before the 2020 Republican National Convention, the Republican National Committee said it is expecting nearly 50,000 attendees, including delegates and members of the media, at the convention scheduled for the week of Aug. 24 in Charlotte.

And in an op-ed published Friday for Fox Business, convention President and CEO Marcia Lee Kelly said Republicans are preparing to gather “thousands” to mark the formal renomination of President Trump and Vice President Pence to lead the party's 2020 ticket. She said organizers are working on details including the carpet and lighting at the convention.

Details? Sure. All prostitutes will be issued Super Soakers so they can observe social distancing when performing golden showers.

Also, even if Mother is in the room, Pence must be shrouded in Saran Wrap and a ghillie suit at all times. Also, a beard of bees, as a sure-fire failsafe.

“Begone, jezebels!”

Of course, you can’t say they’re not taking public health seriously at all — when it comes to the convention, anyway.

In an interview with NPR member station WFAE on Thursday, Republican National Committee chairwoman Ronna McDaniel said the RNC is committed to holding the convention in Charlotte, while adding that it's possible attendees may wear masks or hold some events in smaller venues or outside.

Okay, whatever. Good luck with that.

Since Republican conventions are basically Mardi Gras with uglier hats and slightly more unprotected sex, I can only assume this will go swimmingly.

Then again, why should Republicans start worrying about COVID-19 now? Hey, at least they’re consistent.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments