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GOP congressman pretends Trump had a vaccination plan that Biden wants to steal

3 min read

Donald Trump is gone, but the gaslighting on his behalf continues. Rep. Steve Scalise is trying to plant this little brain parasite in our heads so we all think the Trump administration wasn’t the unending series of surprise late-night taint waxings we all perceived it to be:



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For the nontweeterers: “Biden wants you to believe ‘100 million vaccines in 100 days’ is his plan. But it’s not. It was Trump’s. America is already on track for 100 million in 100 days. Biden could do 200 million in 100 days. Republicans would support it. Thanks to Trump, he’s already halfway there.”

Okay, maybe it was Trump’s plan in the same sense that he wanted a Nobel Prize for gifting Kim Jong Un a rare PR victory he could set to classic ‘80s porn music and jerk off to, but in the sense of offering a coherent strategy that actually got vaccines into people’s arms? Not so much.

In fact, he has exactly the same vaccine strategy that I had, which is to wait for Biden to handle the crisis and hope the delay doesn’t fucking kill me.


Newly sworn in President Joe Biden and his advisers are inheriting no coronavirus vaccine distribution plan to speak of from the Trump administration, sources tell CNN, posing a significant challenge for the new White House.
The Biden administration has promised to try to turn the Covid-19 pandemic around and drastically speed up the pace of vaccinating Americans against the virus. But in the immediate hours following Biden being sworn into office on Wednesday, sources with direct knowledge of the new administration's Covid-related work told CNN one of the biggest shocks that the Biden team had to digest during the transition period was what they saw as a complete lack of a vaccine distribution strategy under former President Donald Trump, even weeks after multiple vaccines were approved for use in the United States.
“There is nothing for us to rework. We are going to have to build everything from scratch,” one source said.

Criminal incompetence from the Trump administration? You don’t say.

So the guy who wanted to bring back asbestos, thinks exercise is bad for you, thought butt lamps could cure COVID, and bemoaned the carcinogenic effects of windmills didn’t have a comprehensive, science-based plan for controlling a pandemic?

I may faint dead away.

But if Trump has taught Republicans anything, it’s that you don’t really need to govern competently. You just need to claim you do, and convince just enough people that you’re not bullshitting them.

It reminds me of the wacky press conference Trump had shortly after his inauguration in which he claimed he’d inherited a “mess” of an economy from Barack Obama—when he’d actually entered office in the midst of a lengthy and robust economic recovery.

And now? Well, Joe Biden actually has inherited a mess—one that was exacerbated more than a little by the dipshit-in-chief.

This will be a long slog, and I’m convinced Biden can do great things, but it’s already clear he’ll be fighting Republican misinformation as well as the coronavirus, unemployment, global turmoil, and several more wacky parting gifts from the previous administration.

Thanks, Donald. Now go golf. You haven’t actually earned it, but what the fuck else are you going to do?

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!

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