As Notre Dame Cathedral burned yesterday and real presidents extended their heartfelt condolences, Donald Trump, the actual president of the United States, tweeted this:
Must act quickly, huh? Thanks for that, Poindexter, because the rest of us thought there was time for an Americano and a flaky croissant. Thank God you’re on Twitter.
But the other bit of advice he had to share was equally as stupid … because he’s Donald Trump, and stupid is his trademark.
“Everything would have collapsed,” said Lieutenant-Colonel Michael Bernier, a fire chief who speaks for the national civil defence organisation and who described the suggestion as “risible”.
Releasing even one load from a Canadair water bomber used to fight forest fires on Notre-Dame would be “the equivalent of dropping three tonnes of concrete at 250 kilometres per hour (155mph)” on the ancient monument.
“It would have been like bowling with the cathedral… the two towers might have fallen.
What an unbelievably stupid thing to say to the president of the United States, Lt. Col. Bernier. No fucking way Trump knows what “risible” means. You might as well try to explain superstring theory to him during his bikini waxing.
And thanks, once again, for embarrassing us in front of the entire world, Donnie Dimwits. Wish we could go at least one day without that happening. Really, at this point, that’s all I ask.
“Fabulous!” “Hysterically funny!” “Cathartic!” These are just a few of the many accolades from readers of Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump. And now, the long-awaited sequel is here! Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the digital press and available as a $2.99 download from Amazon. Buy there, or be square. (And while you’re doing that, grab yourself a copy of The Fierce, Fabulous [and Mostly Fictional] Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President, also from AJP.)
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.