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Fox News to U.S. women's soccer team: Shut up and play

2 min read

The world champion U.S. women’s soccer team is fast becoming the Dixie Chicks of 2019 — and I love them for it.

But not everyone is so inspired. Take Fox News, for example.

To paraphrase the Chicks’ Natalie Maines, I’m ashamed that the president of the United States is from the United States. In fact, every day I pray we’ll discover he’s an extraterrestrial mildew colony hastily shoved into a Sarlacc foreskin and topped off with Art Garfunkel’s merkin. And sure, that’s unlikely, but in a way it makes a lot more sense than Obama being from Kenya.

Yes, Fox is pretty darned unhappy with our beloved soccer team, in part because — and you’ll love this — they actually have the temerity to criticize our pr*sident. And that’s something Fox News would never, ever, ever, ever, ever do. Because the duly elected president of the United States is totally off-limits … at least for another year and a half, anyway.

Courtesy of Media Matters:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I think my favorite part was Brian Kilmeade — who is maybe one more idiotic comment away from getting shot in the back of the head while rhapsodizing about tending the rabbits on Steve Doocy’s farm — saying this: “Why would you take 50 percent of the country, or the 60 million that voted for President Trump, and … tell those people, ‘Now you have a reason to be angry at me’?”

Good question, Brian! Why would you alienate half the country by criticizing the president they voted for? 

Tan Suit Barack Obama wants to know, too.

“It’s unconscionable, Brian.”

Guess we all have to stop being mean to Donald Trump. After all, the great Brian Kilmeade has spoken.

Is Trump still singeing your sphincter? Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the salve you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And you can get them for less than the price of a cup of coffee … or a black-market Xanax … or five minutes of therapy. It’s time to heal, my friends. Buy now!

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