Do NOT sip coffee before reading this.

You’ve been warned.

Rachel Campos-Duffy was on the weekend version of Fox & Friends yesterday (which is just as dumb as the regular Fox & Friends, but with no Brian Kilmeade to make the brain farts extra pungent).

Anyway, she appeared on the show with her husband, Rep. Sean Duffy, who’s the second-most famous celebrity from Hayward, Wisconsin, after that giant muskie statue.

She was a reality show star in real life, and so was he — because that’s how we run our government now.

“Feed me your Friday night perch dinners and I will shit out a congressman better than Sean Duffy!”

Anyway, she said this:

“Donald Trump has so much energy. One of the things that they’ve been talking about is Joe Biden not just being a gaffe machine but really not having the stamina to keep up. I mean, Donald Trump can outwork anyone and he’s, I think, the only president who actually starts to look younger in office.”


“Donald Trump can outwork anyone.”

Uh huh. 

I once helped my dad haul wood for our fireplace during a particularly cold winter in Wisconsin. I’ve been resting on my laurels ever since. And I’m a way harder worker than Donald Trump.

And he looks younger since being elected? Donald Trump looks like 12 different kinds of scrotum patched together with gently used dental floss and gum. Does he look like a younger version of that now? Maybe … but, well, what difference does that make, honestly?

I mean, just because he sweats like a longshoreman whenever he eats anything that requires chewing doesn’t mean he’s working.

How long can Fox keep tearing at the fabric of reality like this before a wormhole opens up and swallows the building?

Not long, I hope.

Are you tired of the amoral shitgibbon? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy. Buy now!

  • August 18, 2019
Available for Amazon Prime