Rachel Campos-Duffy is a former reality star … and some other things. Her husband, Sean, is a former GOP congressman from Hayward, Wisconsin, which is way, way up north.

I’ve been to northern Wisconsin. I know northern Wisconsin pretty well. And I can tell you with some confidence that most northern Wisconsin towns are just glorified bait shops. He probably could have spoken to every one of his constituents personally at any random Friday night fish fry in Minocqua. 

Oh, and Sean is a former reality star, too. Like Rachel, he was on the MTV. The Real World: Boston propped him up as that season’s token goober—as did the United States Congress for roughly eight years.

And so Sean and Rachel, who are both current Fox News contributors, have strong (and stupid) opinions about things.

One of those things is the recent dispute over reopening Chicago’s public schools—an impasse that appears to have been broken with a tentative agreement between city officials and the Chicago Teachers Union

To wit:

HARRIS FAULKNER: “You know, there are some schools that have in-person. Catholic schools and other parochial schools are managing to do that. Why are they able to do that but Biden can’t put in place guidance that has all schools doing it?”

CAMPOS-DUFFY: “Because Joe Biden and the Democrat Party are beholden to the teachers unions. They have way too much power, they are holding families and children hostage. Frankly they’re holding the entire country hostage. Even in the situation in Chicago, the deal is tentative, and mind you, it does not include high school kids, who probably will not receive in-classroom learning for the rest of the year. We’re talking about people’s childhoods. Joe Biden has been useless on this. And there are two other people who have been useless in the face of this strong-arming by the unions, and that is Michelle and Barack Obama who are, you know, the honored, you know, most famous citizens of Chicago. With one little tweet Michelle and Barack Obama could have stood on the side of children and families in this debate. And remember, Harris, they have not been shy about stepping into politics, not just presidential politics, but Michelle Obama used her powerful platform in defense of children who came here illegally at the border with the so-called cages that, in fact, her husband built. So she’s not afraid to weigh in on behalf of children who aren’t American citizens, but she has done nothing — and same with her husband, and same with Joe Biden — in defense of the children of Chicago and of this country who are beholden and held hostage to the union.”

Erm, okay.

With one little tweet Donald Trump could have forestalled a fatal coup attempt, too, but let’s not split hairs.

And, you know, there’s a little bit of difference between advocating for children who are being torn away from their parents and advocating that children be turned into little disease vectors because we’re too cheap and impatient to actually open schools safely.

Also—Jebus Crispix, Biden’s been president for less than three weeks! You can’t turn a garbage barge around on a dime—especially when it’s piled this high with garbage. And roughly 475,000 lost American souls might argue for erring on the side of caution—assuming they’re not still sporting MAGA hats in hell.

But, hey, blaming Barack and Michelle Obama for Chicago’s school shutdowns is really imaginative and ambitious. Way to reach for the stars, Rachel! You’ve earned another stint on Road Rules: All Stars! Don’t squander it!

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — BETTE MIDLER on author ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING, via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

  • February 8, 2021
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