We’re about a year away from
state-run television Fox News declaring that Donald Trump’s ballooning weight proves he’s ascending to the godhead. I mean, gods have to be big and unnaturally hued, right? For example, Ganesh is a big blue elephant. It couldn’t be more obvious.
Instant Pot Smart WiFi 8-in-1 Electric Pressure Cooker, Sterilizer, Slow Cooker, Rice Cooker, Steamer, Saute, Yogurt Maker, Cake Maker, and Warmer, 6 Quart, 13 One-Touch Programs
So the latest Fox & Friends spin on Dear Leader’s big decade-long face-plant — wherein he lost more money than any human being in the history of the republic, according to The New York Times’ Tuesday bombshell — is:
1) It’s pretty impressive because he’s been involved in a lot of things, and;
Electric Toothbrush, Oral-B Pro 7000 SmartSeries Black Electronic Power Rechargeable Toothbrush with Bluetooth Connectivity Powered by Braun (Packaging May Vary)
2) $1 billion isn’t really all that much when you think about it, is it?
The president’s most loyal newscasters tried very hard to find a way to put a positive spin on the numbers that showed that Trump lost a total of $1.17 billion from 1985 to 1994—so much that he was able to avoid paying income taxes for eight of the 10 years, according to the report.
“If anything, you read this and you’re like ‘Wow, it’s pretty impressive, all the things that he’s done in his life,’ said breathless host Ainsley Earhardt. “It’s beyond what most of us could ever achieve.”
And what was the unwaveringly gormless Brian Kilmeade’s take?
iRobot Roomba 675 Robot Vacuum-Wi-Fi Connectivity, Works with Alexa, Good for Pet Hair, Carpets, Hard Floors, Self-Charging
“He lost a lot of money over the course of 10 years, if you consider a billion dollars a lot of money.”
“It’s as if you buy something and it doesn’t pay out right away or ever you’re a loser. No, you take shots, you have an opportunity to do things, that’s the way you live. The reason why we all knew Donald Trump’s name is because for 30 years that’s what he did… What do people not understand about he’s a little bit different from most people?”
Again, this is the same network that viciously attacked Barack Obama for wearing a tan suit and sneered that he was a “community organizer.” Or I should say “a community organizer who never lost a billion dollars in just 10 years.”
And it’s not Trump took a shot at climbing Everest and then got mauled by a yeti just feet from the summit. He bankrupted casinos, which is the business equivalent of getting lost in a McDonald’s Playland ball pit for an hour.
Keurig K-Cafe Coffee Maker, Single Serve K-Cup Pod Coffee, Latte and Cappuccino Maker, Comes with Dishwasher Safe Milk Frother, Coffee Shot Capability, Compatible With all K-Cup Pods, Charcoal
There’s no way to spin this one, guys. Your hero is a moron.
Then again, that’s probably why he’s your hero.
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available at Amazon! They help support my writing and feed my dog. He doesn’t eat much, which is why I can offer these magnum opuses for the absurdly low price of $2.99. Get ‘em while they’re (scorching) hot. Thank you!