Fox & Friends host: Mary Magdalene brought Jesus' crown of thorns to Paris

Oh, the things you can learn from Fox News.

For instance, “Santa Claus is white.”

“Donald Trump is a normal human being.”

And now — just in time for Easter! — “Mary Magdalene brought Jesus’ crown of thorns to (wait for it!) Paris!”


Yes, very good research, Ainsley! None of the other networks even covered that, so well done!

And I believe we have a photo of the relic in question:


Blasphemy, Justice Kavanaugh. Have you no shame?

So maybe this was in a Dan Brown book or something? I don’t know. Of course, I wasn’t aware that Mary Magdalene — a poor, first century Jewish woman — ever traveled to Paris. And who knows where they stashed the crown from the time of her death in the first century until the Notre Dame Cathedral groundbreaking in 1163? Probably in the Louvre, or the Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast ride at Disneyland Paris. But your guess is as good as mine.

And are we really all pretending that that was Jesus’ actual crown of thorns? Do we have to go along with that now? I, for one, am just a smidge skeptical.

But, hey, if it’s on Fox News, it’s good enough for millions of Americans!

Again, Fox & Friends is Donald Trump’s favorite show. I feel like I can’t repeat that often enough.

Fabulous!” “Hysterically funny!” “Cathartic!” These are just a few of the many accolades from readers of Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump. And now, the long-awaited sequel is here! Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the digital press and available as a $2.99 download from Amazon. Buy there, or be square. (And while you’re doing that, grab yourself a copy of The Fierce, Fabulous [and Mostly Fictional] Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President, also from AJP.)