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Failed human Jim Bakker says God paused earthquakes because of Trump's election

2 min read

Not to be overshadowed by Rick Perry’s proclamation that Donald Trump was chosen by God to “rule” over our country, convicted felon and end times pancake mix salesman Jim Bakker (yes, people still send him money) recently wondered why there was a big dip in earthquakes around the time of Donald Trump’s election:


“Do you want to see a chart that will blow your mind? I just got this from one of my newsmen here in the staff. You see that? You see what this is? This is the lowest earthquake — look, we’re going along with earthquakes. This is earthquakes. And then look at down here. Do you want to know what that is? That’s the election of Donald Trump. Why would there be a dip in the earthquakes at the time of the election? Why would there be less earthquakes there?”

Why? Maybe because whatever supernatural entity is responsible for visiting tragedy and woe on God’s long-suffering flock was singularly focused on getting Donald Trump elected.

Also, there’s no evidence that there was a dip in earthquakes coinciding with Trump’s election.

Surprise! The guy who was convicted on 24 counts of conspiracy and fraud is bullshitting you!



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And, of course, even Bakker’s B.S. chart shows a significant spike in earthquakes following Trump’s election. But that was probably because of Adam Schiff. I mean, who are we kidding?

P.S.: I haven’t verified these earthquake numbers myself, because what’s the point, really?

Does Trump make you want to delete your brain? Of course he does! But don’t do it until you’ve read Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear Fcking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” diversions from our temporary hell on Earth. Don’t delay. Click those links, yo!

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