The guy who basically invented American crassness and stupidity is calling out Rudy Giuliani for being uncommonly crass and stupid.

Geraldo Rivera, who left any credibility he may have once had behind in Al Capone’s vault, thinks Rudy’s eyebrow-raising/sideburn-lowering press conference from earlier today was a shitshow of historic proportions.

And he just got into a heated discussion with Fox News stalwart Jesse Watters, who’s essentially what you’d get if you removed the railroad spike in Brian Kilmeade’s head with an ice fishing auger. Watters wants to see what Rudy has to offer — aside from perpetual pants-shitting lunacy — but Geraldo is saying “enough already.” 



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JESSE WATTERS: “We’ll see what happens.”

GERALDO RIVERA: “Come on, Jesse. I mean, really.”

WATTERS: “Come on, Geraldo!”

RIVERA: “The Clinton Foundation, George Soros, Hugo Chavez? I’m probably the only person in this building who has actually met Hugo Chavez. [Crosstalk] Hugo Chavez couldn’t make the red lights work in Venezuela.” 

WATTERS: “I’m talking about the sworn affidavits.”

RIVERA: “And an international conspiracy. Why not Elvis?” 

WATTERS: “I didn’t mention anything like that. I’m talking sworn affidavits. You’re a lawyer, Geraldo. You’re a lawyer. As a lawyer, you should recognize the validity of that.”

RIVERA: “I love the president. I wanted him to win this election. What I saw with Rudy Giuliani, who I’ve known for decades, was bizarre, it was unfocused. There was conspiracy theory this and that. … When you have evidence that you suggest, what’s the lawsuit that that evidence attaches to? What’s the action? You can’t go to a court and say, ‘There’s fraud, Judge, prove it for me. Where’s the FBI to prove it for me? That’s not the way it happens.”


RIVERA: “We’re giving false hope, we’re giving false hope to people.”

And Rudy has “hundreds” of sworn affidavits? Sure he does. Maybe he can wallpaper his padded cell with them, because they’re not going to do shit, especially since he refuses to show them to anyone. (I imagine they’re along the lines of “I saw Goody Proctor dancing with George Soros at the Illuminati ice cream social.”)

Rudy Giuliani has gone from being America’s mayor to Donald Trump’s braying ass. (Psst, I’m thinking he sucked all along … but, you know, he was never quite this crazy.) 

Does Trump keep him around so there’s always someone more fucked in the head than POTUS and Junior? I can’t imagine this is the guy he wants representing his quixotic bid to destroy democracy. 

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!

  • November 20, 2020