Dow futures plunge after Trump threatens more tariffs

Donald Trump, write this 100 times on your left moob:

China does not pay our tariffs.

China does not pay our tariffs.

China does not pay our tariffs.


Also, if you can find one reputable economist (Stephen Moore, Herman Cain, Larry Kudlow, and Ivanka don’t count) who thinks tariffs have buoyed our economy, I’ll tattoo your face on my rectum. (Oh, sorry. Someone beat me to it.)

And now, your methane-rich brain effluvium is poised to fuck things up even more.


A sharp sell-off will start the week on Wall Street after President Donald Trump said on Sunday that the U.S. will hike tariffs on goods imported from China, casting doubt on recent optimism that the world’s two largest economies were close to a resolution to their trade battle.

Dow Jones Industrial Average futures implied an opening decline of more than 450 points Sunday evening stateside. S&P 500 and Nasdaq-100 Index futures also pointed to declines for the two indexes at Monday’s open.

The Wall Street Journal reported that China is considering cancelling its trade talks with the U.S. this week in light of Trump’s latest threats. Citing a source, the Journal said Beijing had been surprised by the new threats.

The apparent about-face in trade sentiment left some Wall Street insiders worried about the effect on the U.S. equity market, fresh off record highs.

Not that the stock market is the be all, end all of the economy. Far from it. But farmers and other Americans are getting killed because of these tariffs, and increasing them will just dial up the bloodshed.

Here’s a tip, Donnie Dipshit: The surging economy you inherited could go sour at any moment. It doesn’t need any help from you. If you keep poking tigers with sticks, it’s only a matter of time until you (and the rest of us) get mauled.

“Hysterically funny!” “Fabulous!” “Cathartic!” These are just a few of the many accolades from readers of Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump. And now, the long-awaited sequel is here! Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the digital press and available as a $2.99 download from Amazon. Buy there, or be square. 

  • May 6, 2019