Donald Trump is here to tell you his Miami golf resort doesn't have bedbugs

Wow, he’s a marketing genius!

Rule No. 1 in hotel management is to place the word “bedbugs” and the name of your resort one word apart from each other as frequently as possible. Remind us all that your hotel isn’t infested with awful biting parasites that are nearly impossible to get rid of! Great work!

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You radical leftists are trying to get in the way of Donald Trump’s magnificent kleptocracy! Not nice!

To save time, maybe he should just put up a big neon “No Bedbugs” sign that can be turned on and off like a “No Vacancy” sign. Then we’ll really know we’re safe.

Of course, this wasn’t just a “nasty rumor” that was created out of whole cloth and perpetuated for years with absolutely no evidence to support it — like, say, birtherism. It’s based on this January 2017 Miami Herald story about a traveler who sued the Trump National Doral Miami golf resort over — ***checks notes *** — oh, here it is. Bedbugs!

In a bit of good news for the new president, court records show his attorneys in Miami have reached a tentative settlement with a business traveler who sued the resort after his back, face and arms were devoured by voracious bed bugs at the revamped resort.

In a terse one-page report just slipped into the court file, court-appointed mediator Frank Allocca filed a notice that reads “an agreement was reached.” There were no details on what will likely be a confidential deal.

New Jersey insurance executive Eric Linder, who woke up from a night’s sleep at the resort in March 2016 with dozens of bites, didn’t return calls for comment. Neither did his lawyer nor Trump’s local lawyer.

Linder, 63, filed suit in late July along with photos of his back and neck riddled with red blotches after he slept at the resort’s $300-a-night Jack Nicklaus-themed villa.

I suppose Trump thinks it’s no big deal to be riddled with red blotches after staying at a hotel. You know, based on his own experience.

Keep it up, Donnie. Maybe you can keep the “Trump Doral has bedbugs” story going for another two or three news cycles.

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