Well hell, if there’s one thing I hate, it’s coming off looking like an idjit, but as Britney Spears sings,:Ooops, I did it again.” For years now, I’ve been  ridiculing the end-of-days nuts, and survivalist goofballs who blow their entire credit limit on basically glorified MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat). The logic seems to be that if Russia finally decides to get rid of us once and for all, or if the jihadi’s set off a dirty bomb, at least they won’t starve to death before the radiation sickness kicks in.

But look who’s getting the last laugh. Any day now, they’re going to be chowing down on rubber Salisbury steak, with plastic noodles, and a viscous brownish goo, while all have to eat is the egg all over my face. I can’t even risk leaving the house to run to the Walgreen’s on the corner for a frozen pizza, because some rogue, illegal Honduran might jump out and give me small pox, or leprosy.

Granted, the previous paragraph is too utterly stupid to ever have been typed, but when you strip it of all of the hyperbole and bullshit, that is exactly the slimy snake oil that Trump is pedaling to his doltish base to seal the midterm deal. Fortunately, Der Gtopinfuror has a plan. He’s sending anywhere from 5,000-15,000 US active duty military troops to the southern border, to take target practice on anything browner than Trump who throws a rock jn their general direction. Now, you tell me, which paragraph is more insanely stupid?

Actually, this isn’t the first time that it was proposed that we send US military troops to the southwest. I know it’s difficult to go back in the past in the era of Trump, where time is measured in “dog years,” where 1 day equals 7 years, but this was only back in 2015 for Gods sake! Come on, you can do it.

The logic behind Operation Jade Helm 15 was stunningly simple. Places like Texas and Arizona have a ton of empty space. Well, one particular kind of empty space. The dry, dusty, hot, sandy, rocky kind. The kind of terrain you might encounter in, I don;t know, say Iraq, or Syria maybe?Likewise, there are large uninhabited areas of Florida and Louisiana that have plenty of heat, humidity, swamps, mosquitoes and trees. The idea was to send Special Forces troops to those locations to get acclimated to conditions that they may encounter in live operations in perfect safety. Makes perfect sense. Now, this is something that all of those chickenshit national security conscious Republicans would take to like a duck to water, right?

Wrong! Fueled by their mouth breathing, bed wetting, monsters-in-the-closet base, the Republican controlled congress passed a wrecking ball through their collective colon.Their base saw through this cheap scam in a heartbeat. It was actually a government conspiracy! That’s right, see, they were going to secretly build detention camps in the wilderness, and then fill them with brave patriots who opposed the Kenyan-Marxist usurper. No? OK, then they were going to set up depots, sneak out in the night, break into their houses, and confiscate all of the guns from peace loving AR-15 lunatics, in violation of the Second Amendment! Not that one either? Well then, they were secretly digging tunnels all the way to Fort Knox, so that the Kenyan-Marxist usurper could steal all of the gold for himself. Not your cup of tea? Then just pick one, according to Wikipedia, there were at least another dozen equally ludicrous conspiracy theories floating around out there. I couldn’t find any actual opinions from Trump on the issue, but that might not be too surprising, since a former CIA chief stated that Russian bots had been very busy stirring the conspiracy pot in Texas.

The important thing to remember is that this had absolutely nothing to do with President Obama. It was purely a peacetime military training exercise. But the Republicans dragged the military chiefs up to Capitol Hill for a hearing, demanding that they explain themselves, and it had better be a damn good excuse! And several GOP Governors threatened, and a couple of them actually did send their national guard troops out to bird dog the special forces, just to make sure that no unauthorized funny business took place on their home turf.

So, there you have it, that was Operation Jade Helm 15, which actually did take place, without a single civil rights or constitutional violation, much to the bitter disappointment of the conspiracy theorists. The entire GOP shit Tiffany cuff links to try to stop US troops from being better prepared for conditions they may be in with their lives on the line. And now, three years later, they probably want to set up taxi convoys, like the French did in World War I to get the troops to the front, with a force greater than our combined presence in Syria and Iraq, all for an unarmed, half starved, footsore “invasion force” that is at least 6 weeks away. Funny what three years, and a maniacal despot from their own party will do to make a once proud political party demean and defile itself just to try to win a lousy midterm election, isn’t it?.Get out and vote to restore sanity 4 days from now.

The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.

Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35

  • November 2, 2018