Remember when Trump said the world was laughing at us?

It wasn’t true then, but he has finally succeeded — singlehandedly — in Making Aliens Guffaw Again.

Because Trump knows only what he sees on teevee, fast-food wrappers, and some of your more lowbrow cereal boxes, U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer on Friday attempted to clarify the pr*sident’s muddy understanding of the thing he was supposed to be an expert on: trade deals.

And stunned by what he was seeing, a Chinese official couldn’t help but laugh. Because the most powerful nation in the history of the world being run by a concussed rodeo clown is, in some respects, pretty damn funny … if you’re not an American, anyway.

Trump was asked about memoranda of understanding, and after spewing some totally false nonsense, his trade rep stepped in to correct him — and we all know it’s always a bad idea to correct an ignorant, dyspeptic king.


“I don’t like MOUs because they don’t mean anything. To me they don’t mean anything. I think you’re better off just going into a document. I was never … a fan of an MOU,” Trump said. It could have ended there but Lighthizer decided to jump in and although he didn’t look directly at the president, it certainly looked like he was contradicting his boss. “An MOU is a binding agreement between two people,” he said. “It’s detailed. It covers everything in great detail. It’s a legal term. It’s a contract.”

Trump looked annoyed as Lighthizer was talking and as soon as he was done, he made sure to know that his words were meaningless. “By the way, I disagree,” Trump told reporters and the gathered Chinese delegation. It was at that point that Vice Premier Liu He, the top Chinese negotiator, laughed out loud. “I think that a Memorandum of Understanding is not a contract to the extent that we want,” Trump said. “We’re doing a Memorandum of Understanding that will be put into a final contract, I assume. But to me the final contract is really the thing, Bob, and I think you mean that too.”

It’s like Caligula and Michael Scott had a baby, and that baby mated with the Norse god of Derp and this horror show came out.

I look forward to the day when we have a normal president again. Wishing for a light two-year coma doesn’t seem to be working.


Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.


But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!

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