So this was fun.

Today, after a press conference where an “America Leads the World in Testing” banner hung in plain view — presumably to advertise our 39th-place world ranking in tests per million population — Donald Trump fielded questions with all the aplomb of a leaky bowel during a pepper eating contest.

Two of his biggest nemeses, CBS News’ Weijia Jiang and CNN’s Kaitlin Collins, dared challenge the High Suzerain of Not-My-Fault, whereupon Trump did the Man-baby Mambo off the dais.

It went a little something like this:



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WEIJIA JIANG: “[You said] the U.S. is doing far better than any other country when it comes to testing.”

TRUMP: “Yes.”

JIANG: “Why does that matter? Why is this a global competition to you if everyday Americans are still losing their lives and we’re still seeing more cases every day?”

TRUMP: “Well, they’re losing their lives everywhere in the world, and maybe that’s a question you should ask China. Don’t ask me, ask China that question, okay? When you ask them that question you may get a very unusual answer. Yes, behind you, please.”

JIANG: “Sir, why are you saying that to me, specifically, that I should ask China?”

TRUMP: “I’m telling you. I’m not saying it specifically to anybody. I’m saying it to anybody that would ask a nasty question like that.”

JIANG: “It’s not a nasty question.”

TRUMP: “Please, go ahead. Okay, anybody else? Please go ahead in the back, please.”

KAITLIN COLLINS: “I have two questions.”

TRUMP: “Nah, it’s okay.”

COLLINS: “But you pointed to me. I have two questions, Mr. President.”

TRUMP: “Next. Next, please.”

COLLINS: “But you called on me.”

TRUMP: “I did, and you didn’t respond, and now I’m calling on the young lady in the back. Please.”

COLLINS: “I just wanted to let my colleague …” [Crosstalk]

TRUMP: “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you very much.” [Storms off]

Glad to see we have a calm, reasonable leader to guide us through the worst global crisis in decades.

How this guy still has even one supporter is beyond me. Honestly, I have no clue. Maybe I should ask CHHHHHIIIIII-NA.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.