TedCruz

You could say Ted Cruz is about as funny as a debilitating brain parasite, but that would be imprecise. He’s as funny as a brain parasite attempting to do prop comedy at 1 a.m on a Wednesday at a Sioux Falls Holiday Inn. In other words, much less funny than your workaday...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • October 10, 2021

Not prosecuting Trump for what seems to be incontrovertible evidence of his Stormy Daniels payoff seems to be small potatoes only if the big enchiladas are left on the plate. Yet the GQP thinks that they still need him, likely because there are no alternatives, what with Ted Cruz having dinner with...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • May 7, 2021

In a Wall Street Journal op-ed, Ted Cruz admits he’s a corporate shill but like Matt Gaetz’s procurer, Joel Greenberg, prior crimes don’t count if you can get a pardon, even from the press. But hey Ted, confession is good for the soul because you don’t have to rely on the...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • April 30, 2021

Ted Cruz has been accused of a lot of things: being the Zodiac Killer; being from Canada; being a churlish Sea Monkey that grew out of control in a secret Area 51 lab before escaping into the forest with a family-size bag of Bugles and a sixer of Zima; being the son of a...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • April 22, 2021
  • 1

The usual Cruz hypocrisy, the pot calling the kettle violent. Because the final term of Ted Cruz will feature more nonsense serving corporate energy interests among other contradictions. He’s flailing about today with the latest nominees for DoJ, among other fake outrage. It’s an old tactic, because Cruz loves stirring...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • April 22, 2021

Former House Speaker John Boehner has been on quite a roll lately as he plugs his book On the House: A Washington Memoir. In a clip from the audio version of his book, Boehner told Sen. Ted Cruz to go fuck himself, which, as Cruz’s former Princeton roommate Craig Mazin can...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • April 11, 2021

As much as I would like to take credit for the fitting title of this piece, I cannot. I heard it for the first time yesterday afternoon (April 8th) on the Randi Rhodes radio broadcast. A caller from Philadelphia used the two-word descriptor, and I found it apropos to the...

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  • Avatar of @ReasonaBill
  • April 9, 2021

Former House Speaker John Boehner’s new memoir is set to be released later this month, and if the excerpts that have trickled out so far are any indication, he aims to settle scores. Not so much with Democrats—though I have no doubt he’ll have some salty words for our ilk. No, in...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • April 2, 2021

Ted Cruz continued his “Hey, look! I’m not in Cancun!” tour yesterday, traveling to the U.S.-Mexico border in search of a thatch of reeds that in no way made him look like a serial killer floating freshly harvested bodies down the river on jerry-rigged rafts comprised of peat bog residue and...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • March 27, 2021

In September of 2013, Republicans attempted to curtail full funding of the Affordable Care Act but their efforts came to an absurd end. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) spent just over 21-hours regaling the public with a tale penned by Dr. Seuss, the wisdom of Ashton Kutcher, and the World Wrestling...

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  • Avatar of @ReasonaBill
  • March 24, 2021

I’m not in a jovial mood today. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed … because my bed is still in America. If it straddled the U.S.-Canada border, I might have had a puncher’s chance—but no. I had to wake up here—in the land of the mask-free, gun-obsessed asshole....

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • March 23, 2021

There’s really only one Ted that’s applicable to an unconfirmed source trying to connect Greta Thunberg with the Unabomber and that’s Ted “Zodiac Killer” Cruz. Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg has mocked Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) after he criticized President Joe Biden‘s decision to rejoin the Paris climate agreement. “So happy that USA has finally...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • March 11, 2021

What does it say about Republicans that the two biggest assholes in the multiverse were their No. 1 and No. 2 choice for president in 2016? Of course, as with the infinite regression of turtles in Hindu cosmology, it’s assholes all the way down for the GOP. Ted Cruz, the...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • March 6, 2021

Ted Cruz is becoming even further unhinged, as if there will be an insanity defense for sedition. Because he actually thinks he’s funny, like a Soup Nazi taking the gas pipe: Ok. No gasoline for you. (That includes jet fuel.) And what do you think film is made of? https://t.co/rVwYt7C5Ol...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • March 4, 2021

Remember back in the olden days when Republicans were consistently willing to set aside petty partisanship and perpetual grievance in order to ensure that only the most qualified individuals were given top government posts? Yeah, me neither. Before we get to the current minority party obstruction, let’s all hop in the Wayback...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 23, 2021

Or maybe I should say “no water,” which is what too many Texans are currently dealing with. After desperately attempting to flee the free-market dystopia he helped create, Sen. Ted Cruz drove his windowless white van down to a Houston locale today to serve Texas BBQ—not lightly braised human flesh; we...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 21, 2021

Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert needs more attention. First, Marjorie Taylor Greene stole her thunder by trotting out the Jewish space lasers while Boebert was still plunging her hands into the soft, wet clay of garden-variety QAnon conspiracies. Then Ted Cruz decided to overshadow them both with the single worst travel decision...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 20, 2021

Looks like unfettered capitalism is working exactly as it’s supposed to in Texas. Texas billionaire Jerry Jones is, of course, best known for somehow making me hate the Dallas Cowboys even more than I used to (in case you’re not a football fan, he owns the team), but in the...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 19, 2021

Good God almighty. Well, this proves Ted Cruz isn’t the Zodiac Killer, because even the Zodiac Killer wouldn’t be sociopathic enough to blame his fucking kids for the biggest asshole move in Texas history. New Statement from @tedcruz: pic.twitter.com/0WMni5O9R1 — Vaughn Hillyard (@VaughnHillyard) February 18, 2021 The full text: Statement...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 18, 2021

The result of the latest Trump impeachment trial was a fait accompli when Mike Pence was pulled from his mother’s womb, saw his shadow, and scurried back home like a frightened baby wallaby for six more weeks of gestation. The evidence now makes it abundantly clear that Donald Trump incited...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 13, 2021

Where did Democrats ever get the idea that Donald Trump was looking to incite violence on January 6? It’s absurd! I mean, just ask Ted Cruz. Really, you should ask him. x This you @tedcruz ? pic.twitter.com/hj3bQ9TsL3— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) February 12, 2021 < p class=”is-empty-p”> GLENN BECK: “They’re already...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 12, 2021

Ted Cruz and I share exactly two things in common. We both convert oxygen to carbon dioxide and we both love The Princess Bride. I’m not happy about it, and more than once it’s forced me to question my life choices. If I share that with Cruz, what else might we have...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 4, 2021

So this story requires a rudimentary understanding of two completely unrelated news items: 1) The weird GameStop stock manipulation that’s currently being undertaken by Redditers. Basically, it’s a gambit intended to screw over hedge fund managers who shorted the stock and to prove that the market is just a load of bullshit,...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • January 28, 2021

Trump’s mob literally hunted Mike Pence, who was hiding with his family in the Capitol during the siege. Trump had called him out, and the mob was furious. The mob chanted “HANG MIKE PENCE” while some broke off and went searching for him down the corridors, yelling “Where is Pence?!” ...

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  • Avatar of SemDem
  • January 14, 2021

History moves forward as the final draft of the Second article of Impeachment has been made available. This article of impeachment against President Trump accuses him of “incitement of insurrection” for his role in fomenting the deadly occupation of the US Capitol on 6 January. x FINAL DRAFT of article of...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • January 11, 2021

x Hours before President Trump touches down in Georgia to rally in support of Sens. Loeffler and Perdue ahead of Election Day — Loeffler announces she will object to the Electoral College certification process on Wednesday. https://t.co/GtX3iIlOW5 — Priscilla Thompson (@PriscillaWT) January 4, 2021 x Members of the #SeditionCaucus Remember...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • January 5, 2021

Not since the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang have I been so freaked out by a creepy, middle-aged man offering candy to a bunch of wee-brained children. But that’s what’s happening now, as Ted Cruz leads his coup caucus into a doomed—and entirely performative—fight to appear to attempt...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • January 3, 2021

Nothing but baboons: x “Baboons do not go far from the place of their birth.” Maasai proverb https://t.co/6pedtij0BT— Ilhan Omar (@IlhanMN) January 3, 2021 x Fun Fact: In 1861, 11 U.S. Senators were expelled from the Senate for refusing to recognize the election of Abraham Lincoln. — Alex Cole (@acnewsitics)...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • January 3, 2021

rMoney finds that conscience like a visually impaired squirrel. Mitt Romney says, "The egregious ploy to reject electors may enhance the political ambition of some, but dangerously threatens our Democratic Republic." — Niels Lesniewski (@nielslesniewski) January 3, 2021 “It would not be Congress’s job to second-guess the state’s appointment of...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • January 3, 2021

As Admiral Akbar sez: “It’s a Trap”. This stunt will fail but the Trumpian GOP base will want to give them thirty coins at least. Disingenuity writ as largess in order to grift for donors. A growing number of Republican senators — led by Ted Cruz — announced today they...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • January 2, 2021

Moscow Mitch is losing control of his caucus, GOP Senators have long ago lost all respect for democracy, and the country is losing its mind watching all of it. Multiple senators oppose certifying election results A growing number of Republican senators — led by Ted Cruz — announced today they...

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  • Avatar of dankoh
  • January 2, 2021

Usually when Ted Cruz “guarantees” something, it’s more along the lines of “I guarantee you no one can hear you scream from the basement of this abandoned warehouse in Arkansas.” Or so I assume. I have no direct knowledge of this, but then Ted had no basis for this statement, either:...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • November 23, 2020

Wolfman Jack’s weird vestigial twin is worried about the election. He’s very concerned that the guy who called his wife ugly and implied his dad killed JFK might lose — and lose badly. In fact, the election could be a “bloodbath” — and not the kind Ted takes every morning...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • October 10, 2020

We’re now past the point in 2016 where PBO got derailed by McConnell on election interference from Russia. We can see why Trump has undermined trust in intel agencies We can now see why Trump spent a lot of time discrediting Peter Strozk Today featured more desperate tweets x NEW:...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • September 12, 2020

I’m no fan of Ted Cruz, but this is so, so unfair. He almost certainly has testicles. He has a daughter who finds him frightfully off-putting, after all: They say blood is thicker than water, but Ted Cruz revulsion is universal. So the #TedCruzHasNoBalls hashtag got started because Cruz attempted to make...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • September 12, 2020

I’m going to have to start taking full-on Silkwood showers after reading the news. I have a feeling, in retrospect, the Trump era will feel a bit like stepping in dog shit. It will take a while to completely scrape his residue off our shoes, and even then our country...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • September 6, 2020

Rootin’ — Tootin’ Sam is a member of antifa, despite his penchant for firearms. “Now say your prayers!” x Right-wing extremists have killed 329 victims in the last 25 years, while antifa members haven't killed any, according to a new study: https://t.co/GLo2gStPqA Cc @tedcruz https://t.co/6PjDk941zBâ€Â&#x94; Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) August 5,...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • August 5, 2020

Less than four months, actually, but who’s counting? Well, I am. I may put together a “Goodbye, Asshole” advent calendar that counts down to Election Day. Wouldn’t that be fun? Sen. @tedcruz: "The left, it's not going to stop at anything to come after Texas and come after this country."...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • July 20, 2020

We are in some strange space where to Ted Cruz, those people taking down monuments to genocidal explorers are like fundamentalist religious fanatics practicing iconoclasm.  Ted doesn’t understand iconoclasm nor has he read kos’s book, but he went there on Twitter. x No, sweetie. THIS is the American Taliban. pic.twitter.com/VnoqlwiK5L— Adam Sank...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • June 11, 2020

Look, I hate Twitter too but this ridiculous: x Well, after phone calls, emails, letters, and faxes, I cannot get @johncornyn to unblock me. Looks like we're headed to court for real. Follow the case at https://t.co/QbMssaQixc I'm also launching a hashtag b/c that's what people do apparently: #1AForTexans— Tod...

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  • Avatar of Sam Sero
  • May 1, 2020

Here’s the moment when you realize we’d actually be fortunate to have Ted Cruz as president right now.  I’ll give you a few minutes to soak your cerebrum in a pail of brine or, if you’re only slightly skeeved out by the thought, a tureen of Taco Bell mild sauces. Are you...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • March 17, 2020

We at DailyKos pride ourselves on dealing with reality. We also understand that even our fiercest opponents are real people with real complexities; we don’t create caricatures of them and promote them as the real thing in order to validate our preconceptions.* In that spirit, I am offering a shout-out...

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  • Avatar of dankoh
  • March 10, 2020

You’ll enjoy this. Ted Cruz likes to pretend he’s plugged into pop culture, but his efforts in that regard are, to put it mildly, clumsy. His latest Daffy Duck-worthy backfire came two days ago after he picked up on an old Jimmy Kimmel segment showing American pedestrians being asked to point...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 29, 2020

Oh, it’s like shooting transitional fish fossils in a barrel.  First, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez rightly pointed out that Mike Pence is to science as Donald Trump is to leafy green vegetables: x Mike Pence literally does not believe in science. It is utterly irresponsible to put him in charge of...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • February 28, 2020

New story up from the Washington Post: Senate Democrats privately mull witness trade in impeachment trial: A Biden for Bolton Several Senate Democrats are privately discussing the possibility of calling Republicans’ bluff on witnesses, weighing an unusual trade in President Trump’s impeachment trial: the testimony of Hunter Biden for the...

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  • Avatar of dankoh
  • January 22, 2020

What a day. Trump opines: “You people with this phony Emoluments Clause” because apparently there’s a US Constitution. So much diversionary activity as Trump repeats campaign lies during his “Cabinet meeting” press opportunity. That event was meant to offset the failed Mulvaney press briefing of last week and the even more...

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  • Avatar of annieli
  • October 21, 2019

We’re already running huge deficits during flush times for the U.S. economy — contrary to common sense and the advice of every reputable economist on the planet — but that shouldn’t stop us from delivering even more windfalls for the super-rich! Right? That’s what Ted Cruz seems to think, anyway. ...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • August 3, 2019

I have to believe Jason Alexander, who animated the apoplectic George Costanza on Seinfeld for its entire nine-season run, has been teeing this one up for 20 years. Well, he finally found his perfect muse and/or mouse. After Sen. Michael Bennet recently became the latest Dem to announce a presidential bid, Cruz...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • May 7, 2019

This fact check is going to be really, really quick. Josh Dawsey is a White House correspondent for The Washington Post, and he said … ah, fuck it, just check the tweet: "I haven't actually left the White House in months," Trump says. What? — Josh Dawsey (@jdawsey1) January 13, 2019...

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  • Avatar of Aldous Pennyfarthing
  • January 13, 2019