No one has ever tried to have me killed before (that I know of), but if someone did, I doubt I’d sing hosannas and paeans to him mere months after he’d sent a mob to my workplace to murder me—or after he’d ignored my plaintive cries for help when said mob...
MikePence
Mike Pence. The very sound of his name brings to mind albino purse poodles, lightly masticated tapioca starch, and unscented urinal cakes. Or a mayo-larded potato salad that looked safe when you were in line at the church potluck, but somehow just isn’t sitting right anymore. To call him nondescript would be...
What’s funnier than Mike Pence being sent to the doghouse after spending four-plus years as Donald Trump’s captive purse poodle? I honestly can’t think of anything—though if Ted Cruz falls down an open manhole while looking at My Little Pony furry porn on his phone, I may have to reassess. Months...
My dogs are pretty loyal. I give them loads of treats, ear scratches, and belly rubs, and in return they look at me adoringly while mostly refraining from pooping in or near my shoes. I could start selling holiday gift baskets stuffed with panda sausage, baby seal tears, and black...
Speechless. Just speechless. According to CNN, Mike Pence is starting a PAC to defend Donald Trump’s record and they remain close friends. What in the world? Some man incites a mob, a former boss, hunts me and not just me but my family, screaming down the halls of congress, Hang...
The result of the latest Trump impeachment trial was a fait accompli when Mike Pence was pulled from his mother’s womb, saw his shadow, and scurried back home like a frightened baby wallaby for six more weeks of gestation. The evidence now makes it abundantly clear that Donald Trump incited...
Yeah, I remember feeling this way after Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. No fucking way can they make another Friday the 13th movie. I mean, that’s ridiculous, right? Twenty years later, after three more sequels and a reboot, I looked like a damn fool. Not as foolish...
Wading into Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Twitter account is like walking into a virology lab in a Speedo to draw blood from the Ebola monkeys. If it’s my job, I’ll do it; but I’m going to need a Silkwood shower and a booster shot of something (and I’m not ruling out...
Mike Pence is homeless after leaving office and 'couch-surfing' with Indiana politicians, report says. Perhaps the however grateful Trump can put him up somewhere. Apparently Pence didn’t have a plan B for the November election, or maybe he’s hoping to borrow Clarence Thomas’s RV. x 📍Trump Hotel, DC – Looks like they drained the...
From Washington Post White House reporter Josh Dawsey: x VP Pence is not expected to attend President Trump's sendoff at Joint Air Force Base Andrews tomorrow morning, per White House officials. He is attending the inauguration later in the day, and aides say it would be logistically challenging for the...
Trump’s mob literally hunted Mike Pence, who was hiding with his family in the Capitol during the siege. Trump had called him out, and the mob was furious. The mob chanted “HANG MIKE PENCE” while some broke off and went searching for him down the corridors, yelling “Where is Pence?!” ...
Who could have ever predicted this? I mean, who other than anyone who glimpsed at Parler for five minutes or saw Donald Trump speak before his horde of whiny orcs? You’ll never believe this, but apparently there was every indication that violence was brewing prior to the actual violence that...
Not sure how this will fly after yesterday’s events, but here it is. The worst person in the country wants to grant himself clemency—because if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself. Plus, everyone else thinks he’s a lunatic now. (Join the club, obsequious idiots.) The...
This is one of the weirdest days of my life—just slightly behind that time I astral projected to another timeline where Trump was a middling car salesman in Des Moines and Fred “Rerun” Berry was president. (Rerun is a revered and beloved leader, by the way—with or without the beret.) And...
Yesterday, Pence (well, the DOJ) responded, as required, to Loony Gohmert’s lawsuit by saying the Vice President doesn’t have the power to do what Gohmert wants, and anyway he picked the wrong target to sue. The court required Gohmert to respond by 9 AM today. Clearly the court didn’t think...
Well, it seems Gohmert and his band of crazies filed that suit against Pence because Pence wouldn’t act out their script. In a filing today following up on the lawsuit asking for an expedited hearing, Gohmert admitted he or his lawyers had tried to talk Pence into subverting the election...
This is what happens when you put crazy in the White House. The import of the job doesn’t humble such folks. It makes them barmier than ever. And so you get an unhinged 11th hour death rattle from a blue-pissing mad king. Axios: President Trump, in his final days, is...
Okay, so he was a little more animated this time, but this was another tragically embarrassing ramp-walk by the guy who claims to be the best at everything. x At the #ArmyNavyGame, President Trump tried to run down a short ramp. It was…awkward. 🇺🇸🦅🏈 https://t.co/37IfJQcaFc pic.twitter.com/oND0J0zJXx— Bad Fox Graphics (@BadFoxGraphics)...
I’m excited that a new Borat film is coming out (Friday on Amazon Prime!), but I’m a little disappointed, too. Who decided to change the title from Borat: Gift of Pornographic Monkey to Vice Premiere Mikhael Pence to Make Benefit Recently Diminished Nation of Kazakhstan to the slightly more anodyne Borat Subsequent Moviefilm:...
This story is just coming out now: From AP: Jonathan Lemire @JonLemire VP Pence, in Arizona now, has cancelled events in Indiana tomorrow and will be returning to Washington instead 1:29 PM · Oct 8, 2020·Twitter for iPhone From CBS News: VP Pence’s trip to homestate Indiana tomorrow cancelled. His...
Every story on Daily Kos right now: Mike Pence put contempt for truth and his opponent on display, but Kamala was up to the job ‘Let’s set the record straight’: Sen. Harris needs only 7 seconds to fact-check Mike Pence This administration has forfeited their right to reelection: Harris begins...
x NEW POLL OF CNN DEBATE WATCHERS: Who won? KAMALA 59%Pence 38% pic.twitter.com/Qmpfw4QdX1 — Ian Sams (@IanSams) October 8, 2020 Ian Sams @IanSams NEW POLL OF CNN DEBATE WATCHERS: Who won? KAMALA 59% Pence 38% ———————————————————– Favorable Opinion?...
How many Trump administration officials have to tell us that Donald Trump is an incompetent, pudding-brained ghoul before his support falls below 5 percent … where it should (and deserves to) be? We’ve already heard from James Mattis, John Bolton, Miles Taylor, the Mooch, Anonymous — even Omarosa. Well, you can add one...
Oleaginous theocrat Mike Pence is lyin’ for Jesus again. If he’s ever going to see Christ’s kingdom on Earth (the closest we have now is the Holy Land Experience, which is pretty much what you’d get if a horde of first century Judean Zealots found a time machine and used...
Does this kind of argument work with anyone? The guy whose administration has overseen the destruction of millions of total jobs is bragging about the number of jobs created in the past three months. Interesting that he said “three” and not “four.” Wonder why that would be. Oh, I see now....
Apparently, Donald Trump can’t conceive of a running mate who isn’t the quasi-vertebrate equivalent of premasticated Cream of Wheat. Four years ago, Trump chose Mike Pence, who’s basically invisible when he’s not conspicuously smooching Trump’s ass. And being the sick, sick little man he is, Trump thought Joe Biden was...
It appears that Vice President “Lies His Ass Off For Trump” Pence is postponing his pro-COVID-19 “Faith in America” tour of Florida and Arizona. Vice President Mike Pence has postponed his “Faith in America” tour events in Florida and Arizona amid rapidly rising coronavirus cases in both states. “Vice President Pence will no longer...
The White House could not be more contaminated right now if it were a pig feces lagoon. Everyone from Mike Pence’s press secretary to one of Donald Trump’s personal valets has tested positive for coronavirus. But, hey, that doesn’t mean they’re going to start taking any of this seriously. People...
“Pence will not self-quarantine and plans to be at the White House Monday ” because that’s what leadership looks like. I’m hearing on good authority that #coronavirus is more rampant in the #WhiteHouse than the public is being told. A very high-ranking individual may have also been impacted! The administration is...
There is no bottom … No bottom … No, no bottom … Just stop looking for one … Please … (Second tweet) Trump has jokes: "The models show hundreds of thousands of people are going to die and you know what I want to do? I want to come way...
Most experts agree that widespread testing is the key to controlling the COVID-19 pandemic and flattening the curve. Without tests, people will be far more likely to forage on the commons and spread the coronavirus, causing the curve to go exponential. The U.S. has lagged far behind in testing, and...
So people are freaking out about whether we’ll have enough masks, ventilators, and other crucial medical equipment when COVID-19 cases peak in this country. It’s what one might call a hair-on-fire emergency. And yet the Trump administration is still acting as if everything will all work out somehow. A Saturday...
Is there anything more ironic than the “party of personal responsibility” nominating and electing Donald Trump? He accepts responsibility for nothing. To wit: REPORTER: “You just said there are a tremendous number of ventilators that we have, but for weeks hospitals have been warning about a critical shortage that they...
Um … x Who knows what this means, but it sounds good to me! https://t.co/rQVA4ER0PV — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 8, 2020 Do you really not understand how this looks? Do you really not get the historical reference? Seriously? Annnndddd … Twitter had some thoughts: x pic.twitter.com/tcoHGa2igw — Emily Phan...
Dr. Irwin Redlener, director of the National Center for Disaster Preparedness at Columbia University, joined MSNBC anchor Yasmin Vossoughian yesterday to discuss the Trump administration’s handling of the COVID-19 crisis. Vossoughian asked Redlener whether the U.S. was adequately prepared for the outbreak, especially considering we’ve known about the virus for more than...
You knew he would. He always does. x Trump on coronavirus testing: “The Obama administration made a decision on testing that turned out to be very detrimental to what we're doing & we undid that decision a few days ago so that testing can take place in a much more...
I said this when Donald Trump was first elected: Our country is too stupid to live. I never meant it literally, though. I may have been wrong about that. As RawStory has noted, MAGAs across the country are finding eerie significance in the fact that most of the COVID-19 cases...
Oh, it’s like shooting transitional fish fossils in a barrel. First, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez rightly pointed out that Mike Pence is to science as Donald Trump is to leafy green vegetables: x Mike Pence literally does not believe in science. It is utterly irresponsible to put him in charge of...
You might also want to put on your fanciest snake-handlin’ pants, because the guy who doesn’t believe in natural selection (i.e., the mechanism behind the mutation of viruses and bacteria) is now in charge of our country’s response to the global COVID-19 outbreak. Yay! The Washington Post: Trump announced at a news...
Oooooouuuuuuuuccccchhhhhies! x Audience Member: âÂÂWho is going to be your Mike Pence? Who is going to look at you with adoring eyes?â Elizabeth Warren: âÂÂI already have a dog.â Warren would dismantle Trump in a debate with her quick-wittedness. pic.twitter.com/MBKOE8Pd5t — Ryan Knight ð³ï¸ÂâÂÂð ð½ (@ProudResister) February 10, 2020 As...
Empty words since: -Trump promised Xi that U.S. would stay quiet on pro-democracy protests in Hong Kong while trade talks continued -Trump routinely assails the American press and dissenters, calling them "enemy of the people" and "human scum"https://t.co/QXl9Ob9Xqe — Chris Lu (@ChrisLu44) October 24, 2019 Charles Barkley on TNT NBA...
Ooh, boy. Trump is going to lose whatever scintilla of a mind he has left. The senior Trump administration official who wrote that anonymous (and utterly scathing) New York Times column in 2018 — come on, you remember the one — is publishing a new insider’s account of the Trump administration...
http://www.foxnews.com/… Elizabeth Warren and Joe Biden lead Donald Trump by 50% to 40%, and Bernie Sanders leads Trump by a near identical 49% to 40%. This is according to the latest Fox News Poll conducted October 6-8. The poll also shows Biden is the first choice of 32% of Democrats,...
Mike Pence sold his soul long ago, and now, at the very least, Karen Pence has pawned hers. Now, before you read this tweet, recall that Trump used to brag about going backstage at the Miss USA Pageant to gawk at the young women. That he once passed a young,...
It looks like we need to put Donald Trump in cryogenic freeze until science finds a cure for very, very low energy. Today, Trump came down from the prospectin’ camp what’s a spell up the mountain by the crick near the big rock next to Farmer Olsen’s hunner’-year-old oak tree to ramble incoherently...
Can we get #GretaGlare trending? This girl is fierce, yo. x This is like a clip from a special episode of The Office where everyone dies from climate change pic.twitter.com/Q0aAxXmrDn — James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 23, 2019 Best GIF evah! Truth to power, Greta. You inspire us all. Is Trump still...
Vice *Resident Mike Pence was down in Kentucky doing a little politicin’ and decided to do a photo-op with Triple Crown winner American Pharoah. That was his first mistake. USA Today “American Pharoah has it all these days. By becoming the first Triple Crown winner in 37 years in 2015,...
Well, to be fair, anyone or anything with a functioning brain stem would have known that inviting the Taliban to Camp David as the nation gets ready to commemorate 9/11 is a jaw-droppingly stupid idea. But Trump is Trump, and he knows best. From Javi Morgado, the executive producer of...
What? Crypto-fascist wannabe theocrats aren’t as popular in Europe as the U.S.? x Mike Pence expected to arrive in Doonbeg shortly. Hopefully gardai can manage the large crowds. pic.twitter.com/2eIQG5FGFC — Ian Begley (@IanBegley_) September 3, 2019 Is that the saddest thing you’ve ever seen, or what? Mike Pence said he...