For some reason I don’t have complete faith in this vote audit they’re performing in Arizona. For one thing, hardly anyone heard of Cyber Ninjas, the company that’s performing the audit, before this farce commenced. For another, the company is named “Cyber Ninjas.” That’s like going with a wealth management firm called...
January6
No one has ever tried to have me killed before (that I know of), but if someone did, I doubt I’d sing hosannas and paeans to him mere months after he’d sent a mob to my workplace to murder me—or after he’d ignored my plaintive cries for help when said mob...
Republicans desperately want you to forget the events of Jan. 6 and their aftermath. Unfortunately, the guy who caused the riot (at least according to Mitch McConnell) is still the face of their party, and so they have to do an awkward little dance where they pretend he’s actually not a...
I’ve never seen so many snowflakes in my life, and I grew up in Wisconsin. It’s still mind-boggling that so many Trumpaloompas thought they could storm the U.S. Capitol, openly engage in a violent insurrection, and then grab some Arby’s on the way home and chill with a box of Fiddle...
Military-style direct action to disrupt legal elections was the operational frame for a deluded Trumpist vanguard on 1/6. Like Venezuela’s last coup attempt, the insurrectionists hoped that there would be more military and police support, but even Trump couldn’t even commit to his speech promise to march to the Capitol, much less stop...
Hey, I get it. If I’d tried to overthrow the legitimate government of the United States, I probably wouldn’t want to be tried in Washington, D.C., either. Because, you know, Washington residents tend to frown on such hijinks. So it only makes sense that Jenny Cudd, the (alleged) insurrectionist who used...
The once and current Malignant Mangoturd fired Defense Secretary Mark Esper right after the election so he could a more toadying toady, Chris Miller, who wasn’t qualified but who be counted on to do what Trump told him to do without bothering him with silly objections like, “Are you sure...
I never thought to hear such snark from someone as genteel as Merrick Garland. And maybe he wasn’t trolling the poster boy of domestic terror and insurrection after all. But, damn, it sure feels like Garland, whose path to the Supreme Court was derailed by a metric fuck-ton of Republican...
Even in exile* Donald Trump can’t stop fucking up and embarrassing the shit out of us. Whoever’s on deck this week to defend Trump in his impeachment trial (it’s either Barry Zuckerkorn or Lionel Hutz; I forget which) is so sharp, they can’t quite spell the name of the country Trump was...
I’ve been white my whole life (and, believe me, it’s never been this embarrassing), so I understand white privilege. As a young teenager, I got into some minor hijinks involving snowballs and cars that landed me in the back seat of a cop car for about five or 10 minutes....
So this story requires a rudimentary understanding of two completely unrelated news items: 1) The weird GameStop stock manipulation that’s currently being undertaken by Redditers. Basically, it’s a gambit intended to screw over hedge fund managers who shorted the stock and to prove that the market is just a load of bullshit,...
Mr. Naiveté is here to tell you he thought maybe, just maybe, the very people who suffered the brunt of Donald Trump’s bumblefuck putsch might stand firm in their revulsion. But of course they didn’t. The taste of spray-tan and pocky buttocks is simply too tantalizing for most Republicans to resist, and...
Now this is how you get a Trump’s attention—peel away her unearned and undeserved social status. Vanity Fair: Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner have only been landowners in Miami’s exclusive “Billionaire’s Bunker” enclave since December, but it seems the couple is already having some issues with their new neighbors. While...
Schaden-Friday is a bit lower-key this week, thanks to our being collectively terrorized by the Ocher Uprising. But that doesn’t mean it’s canceled. Schaden-Friday is never canceled. And this week we have a doozy. Trump supporters shouting at Lindsey Graham after he failed to pull another Trump term out of...
Vanity Fair’s Emily Jane Fox has a dispatch from Jared and Ivanka’s World. (It’s the same world as yours, but without all that accountability and ability to feel shame and such.) The gist? The couple have about as much chance of reentering elite Manhattan social circles as this guy has...
Why do these guys always find their spines when they’re outside Trump’s orbit? (To be frank, everyone is outside Trump’s orbit. His orbit is in a galaxy far, far away. And the satellites surrounding him are a sad collection of artless toadies, cartoon bluebirds, and absinthe fairies.) So ex-Trump chief...
Not sure how this will fly after yesterday’s events, but here it is. The worst person in the country wants to grant himself clemency—because if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself. Plus, everyone else thinks he’s a lunatic now. (Join the club, obsequious idiots.) The...
Congressional Republicans have savagely beclowned themselves throughout the Trump era. I thought the worst degradation would be their refusal to hold Trump accountable during the impeachment trials, but the lickspittles were far from done licking and spittling. According to CNN’s Jake Tapper, at least 140 reality-challenged cowards are planning to...