So I wrote this book. Somewhere between banging out blog posts, refreshing FiveThirtyEight like a lab monkey jonesing for cocaine pellets, and trying on endless pairs of Trump-stompin’ boots at Payless, I managed to finish a whole book. And it’s now available, just in time for you to pop some...
Biden2020
How are we all feeling? Judging from my own feelings and observations, “cautiously optimistic” seems to be the prevailing mood this morning. Correct me if I’m wrong. That said, you could cut the tension with Donald Trump’s future prison shiv. But who gives a fuck about that guy? This guy...
Please let this be my very last memory of Donald Trump’s 2020 campaign. They’re playing the fucking theme to Titanic, for fuck’s sake! x Omg. 😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/wMMKvOfHPE— Kesha Monk (@KeshaMonk) November 1, 2020 < p class=”is-empty-p”> x x YouTube Video Good night nurse. Of course, Trump would have totally shown...
My hope is that victory is so risibly out of reach for the odious squash rind on election night that he dissolves into a cloud of individual carbon atoms and deep-seated shame, but that’s not his plan. He’s going to loudly declare victory if the count is anywhere near close for...
Biden-Obama speech scheduled at 530pm ET. A Stanford study shows Trump rallies have killed 700 people so far. x YouTube Video Trump remains 10% behind Biden nationally but folks still need to go to the polls. GTFO and VOTE x Former President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden are...
Latin singer Mark Anthony and the Lincoln Project released a new video of a devasted Puerto Rico. Anthony, who is Puerto Rican, narrates the ad and blasts Trump for his lack of response to the island's natural disasters, the Covid crisis, the ruined electrical grid, his racism, and a devastated economy....
I’d prefer a raven landing on Trump’s head and peeling away his face rind to reveal a horde of diseased death locusts, but this will have to do for now. A Lamers bus serving as a shuttle for Pres. Trump's visit has entered the ditch near the airport in Green Bay,...
When this is all over — hopefully very soon — the number of lives Trump managed to destroy will be truly mind-boggling. But while I have nothing but sympathy for most of Trump’s victims, the fate of those who willingly threw their lot in with the Abominable Showman makes me decidedly...
Little Lord Fauntleroy has stepped in it once again. The odious sparkly vampire born with a silver spoon in his head was at the vanguard of Donald Trump’s pandemic response — and, you guessed it, he fucked it up, big-league. Seems that Bob Woodward taped Boy Blunder as well as Trump and,...
Obama is on the stump, stumpin’ for Joe. And it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. x Noting that Trump is complaining about the media reporting on rising COVID cases, President Obama says, “He's jealous of COVID's media coverage.” pic.twitter.com/Of4RZxERYt— The American Independent (@AmerIndependent) October 27, 2020 < p class=”is-empty-p”> OBAMA: “And what’s his...
Imagine this guy wearing a dirty Mountain Dew T-shirt and cutoff jean shorts saying shit like this. In the bathroom stall of an Arby’s. Doesn’t that make a lot more sense than the actual president of the United States saying it? x Trump: The great Abraham Lincoln, a man that...
Donald Trump’s closing argument for another term boils down to … COVID isn’t such a big deal after all and Joe Biden is super-corrupt. Of course, Trump has long since locked down the delusional asshole vote, but a new poll suggests he’s failed to make inroads among members of the sane community. To wit:...
And in case you’re giving Donald Trump credit for a level of understanding that seems beyond his ken, he also thinks Republicans will take back the House. And no one thinks that. No, it appears he thinks the Senate is lost because there are some GOP senators he doesn’t like — and...
Donald Trump has been pretending he has a health care plan for at least four years — and it’s usually just two weeks from being unveiled. He has no health care plan. Never has. Other than risibly claiming he’s going to protect guaranteed issue for people with preexisting conditions —...
He’s making a habit of this, and I love it. Who ever said Democrats shouldn’t appear on Fox News? How else are its viewers ever supposed to hear the truth? x Damn. Don’t invite @PeteButtigieg on your show fools, UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET SCHOOLED! Go get ‘em, Mayor Pete....
I knew — felt in my gut — that Trump’s reign of chaos would be, well, chaotic. But sheeee-ite, I never thought it would be this bad. And I can be a pretty dark guy. But gosh, I’m not a psychopath. I don’t watch snuff films. I don’t enjoy videos of...
I’m excited that a new Borat film is coming out (Friday on Amazon Prime!), but I’m a little disappointed, too. Who decided to change the title from Borat: Gift of Pornographic Monkey to Vice Premiere Mikhael Pence to Make Benefit Recently Diminished Nation of Kazakhstan to the slightly more anodyne Borat Subsequent Moviefilm:...
My snark-astic reputation likely precedes me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally have real human feelings. Like when I’m eating nachos and the pace of my cheese* and chips consumption becomes badly staggered, leaving me with a sad, dry-ass pile of un-cheesed chips. That sends me into a very...
Spin the wheel of presidential absurdity! Where will it land today? Let’s see. Nukin’ hurricanes, border moat, injecting disinfectant, dry-humping the flag, windmill cancer, invisible planes … and today it’s … ordering malts during a highly classified intelligence briefing! Politico: President Donald Trump was in the middle of receiving a highly classified...
Donald Trump is melting down faster than a brick of Velveeta nestled snugly between the twin industrial steam pans that are his moobs. The latest? He’s been trashing Dr. Anthony Fauci, the country’s preeminent expert on infectious diseases, because Trump is missing Friday night Skee-Ball at Chuck E. Cheese or whatever. First, Trump,...
What? CNN is still talking about the COVID-19 pandemic? You’d think people are still dying by the thousands or something. From today’s superspreader jamboree in Arizona: x From @therecount… Trump calls @CNN “dumb bastards” for continuing to cover #COVID19. He is spiraling and manifestly Unfit to remain in office. Spread this...
Another day, another unflattering tell-all from one of the people who knows Donald Trump best. There are some juicy excerpts here, but in case you’re short of time, the bottom line is this: Pretty much anyone who knows Trump, has worked with Trump, or has done business with Trump thinks...
Before Sean Spicer was a fluorescent yellow canary-man who danced like a frog trying to escape from a bucket, he was Donald Trump’s press secretary. x x YouTube Video Remember? Back in the fore-fore times, when we thought maybe Trump would settle down for his nap, but he instead insisted...
Before Sean Spicer was a fluorescent yellow canary-man who danced like a frog trying to escape from a bucket, he was Donald Trump’s press secretary. x x YouTube Video Remember? Back in the fore-fore times, when we thought maybe Trump would settle down for his nap, but he instead insisted...
Flaily McFails is in rare deform lately. He’s never been able to land a solid punch on Joe Biden so he’s reverted to his default setting, which is to just get crazier and crazier until something appears to stick. But for some reason when you look, talk, and behave like the guy...
Stuart Spittle, the incredible shrinking candidate, was spinning the hits last night in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Lies that have long since been debunked were pulled out of the couch cushions, denuded of dustballs and cat hair, and fed to the only people dumb enough to accept candy from a creepy old...
We all pretty much know who Amy Coney Barrett is. I see such super-Catholics on my social media feeds pretty regularly because, well, I went to Catholic grade school and high school, and a lot of my old classmates either haven’t figured out that I’m a filthy secular humanist or,...
Maybe we can turn this post into a forum on loving Joe Biden. Like many Democrats, I wasn’t fully onboard with Biden early on, even after he secured the nomination. I mean, there was never a question that I’d vote for him, but I wasn’t getting those warm fuzzies I’d...
Jennifer Rubin is a longtime NeverTrumper member of the marginally sane community. She’s one of The Washington Post’s conservative writers, but when she decided to side with common sense over Trumpite servility, she became an apostate in the eyes of many of her fellow travelers. Importantly, she pushed away from the...
You’ve probably heard that the Regeneron antibody treatment Donald Trump received and subsequently touted as a “cure” for COVID was tested on cells that originally came from an abortion. I’m sure this isn’t the first time an abortion has saved Donald Trump’s ass (just guessing here), but in this case, he’s the...
Wolfman Jack’s weird vestigial twin is worried about the election. He’s very concerned that the guy who called his wife ugly and implied his dad killed JFK might lose — and lose badly. In fact, the election could be a “bloodbath” — and not the kind Ted takes every morning...
In a flailing attempt (what does he ever do that isn’t flailing?) to somehow pretend the current 25th Amendment buzz isn’t all about him, Donald Trump appeared to step in a big pile of “shit, this isn’t going well, is it?” this morning. FiveThirtyEight currently gives Joe Biden an 85...
At some point early next year they’ll squeegee the COVID-riddled puddle of Trump tresses and asshole adipose out of the people’s house, but until then, the toxic diaper barge that is his campaign and presidency will continue to swamp the hopes of Republicans up and down the ballot. At this...
So a plague is ripping through the White House and no one knows what to do or what’s really going on, as top officials downplay the threat and keep everyone in the dark. Man, that’s so against type for these people. New York magazine: With President Trump hospitalized for COVID-19 at Walter...
Let me bury the lede for the moment to point out that Donald Trump almost certainly thinks he won last night’s debate. Why wouldn’t he? He was quintessentially Trump, and that always gives the ocher asshat a tingling sensation. So it was no surprise when the redoubtable Gabriel Sherman wrote the...
I guess if you’re going to support Donald Trump, you pretty much need to be a loathsome, addlepated conspiracy theorist. And if you actually, for some incomprehensible reason, listen to Donald Trump, you’re convinced Joe Biden must have cheated in the debate, because according to DJT, Biden is just a doddering...
To be fair, the Trump Train is actually just a train wreck at this point, but we need all the help we can get. Last night’s spectacle wasn’t a debate so much as two animal control guys attempting to remove a mad raccoon from your attic. Donald Trump is a...
Oh, hey, guys! I just woke up. Say, is tonight the night Donald Trump finally became president? No? Okay, just joshing. I watched it. And nothing I can say about it will be as good as this, from CNN political contributor Van Jones: x .@VanJones68 summarized the debate perfectly. pic.twitter.com/9qaGVeGNqe—...
I’ll never understand why people think Republican presidents — and Republicans in general — are good for the economy. We have decades of economic data that say otherwise. When it comes to the economy, Republicans are like loud, stumbling drunks who keep insisting they’re okay to drive. Every Friday and Saturday...
It is nigh on the witching hour and well past weed o’clock, but I have to share this … like a Trump shares an STD* … but with joy and jocularity, not with malice and burning. It’s excellent. I’d provide a pithy summary with a heapin’ helpin’ of scintillating bons mots, but I...
Julia Ioffe is a correspondent for GQ Magazine and, boy, is this ever telling: x Last night when I was in the ER, I asked the absolutely wonderful doctor taking care of me if, five weeks into #COVID19, I were still contagious. He said he didn't know, adding, “The CDC...
I don’t tell many lies. Sometimes I fudge my responses a bit when talking to my psychiatrist. Like, I’ll tell her I’m exercising regularly to improve my mood, when by “exercising” I actually mean “eating Corn Nuts.” So it’s not that tough to keep track of my little white lies....
This new MeidasTouch ad hits Trump hard. HARD. A must-see. x 📺 NEW VIDEO Retweet if you are ready to use the Republican playbook against Republicans. Donald Trump cannot be trusted with children and damn sure can’t be trusted to lead the country. #PedoTrump pic.twitter.com/SrYlbM2ozI— MeidasTouch.com (@MeidasTouch) September 15, 2020...