Biden2020

So I wrote this book. Somewhere between banging out blog posts, refreshing FiveThirtyEight like a lab monkey jonesing for cocaine pellets, and trying on endless pairs of Trump-stompin’ boots at Payless, I managed to finish a whole book. And it’s now available, just in time for you to pop some...

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  • November 11, 2020

How are we all feeling? Judging from my own feelings and observations, “cautiously optimistic” seems to be the prevailing mood this morning. Correct me if I’m wrong. That said, you could cut the tension with Donald Trump’s future prison shiv.  But who gives a fuck about that guy? This guy...

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  • November 3, 2020

Please let this be my very last memory of Donald Trump’s 2020 campaign. They’re playing the fucking theme to Titanic, for fuck’s sake! x Omg. 😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/wMMKvOfHPE— Kesha Monk (@KeshaMonk) November 1, 2020 < p class=”is-empty-p”> x x YouTube Video Good night nurse. Of course, Trump would have totally shown...

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  • November 1, 2020

My hope is that victory is so risibly out of reach for the odious squash rind on election night that he dissolves into a cloud of individual carbon atoms and deep-seated shame, but that’s not his plan. He’s going to loudly declare victory if the count is anywhere near close for...

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  • November 1, 2020

Biden-Obama speech scheduled at 530pm ET. A Stanford study shows Trump rallies have killed 700 people so far. x YouTube Video Trump remains 10% behind Biden nationally but folks still need to go to the polls. GTFO and VOTE x Former President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden are...

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  • October 31, 2020

Latin singer Mark Anthony and the Lincoln Project released a new video of a devasted Puerto Rico. Anthony, who is Puerto Rican, narrates the ad and blasts Trump for his lack of response to the island's natural disasters, the Covid crisis, the ruined electrical grid, his racism, and a devastated economy....

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  • October 31, 2020

I’d prefer a raven landing on Trump’s head and peeling away his face rind to reveal a horde of diseased death locusts, but this will have to do for now. A Lamers bus serving as a shuttle for Pres. Trump's visit has entered the ditch near the airport in Green Bay,...

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  • October 30, 2020

When this is all over — hopefully very soon — the number of lives Trump managed to destroy will be truly mind-boggling. But while I have nothing but sympathy for most of Trump’s victims, the fate of those who willingly threw their lot in with the Abominable Showman makes me decidedly...

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  • October 30, 2020

Corey Lewandowski was Trump’s campaign manager in 2016 and now serves as the pr*sident’s senior adviser. Which means … IT’S NAZI TIME, YO! x “Work sets you free” ~Corey Lewandowski (Trump's campaign manager and senior advisor) pic.twitter.com/fjrrgmRoZr— Super Saiyan Serfs (@theserfstv) October 29, 2020 LEWANDOWSKI: “Hey, this is a message...

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  • October 29, 2020

Little Lord Fauntleroy has stepped in it once again. The odious sparkly vampire born with a silver spoon in his head was at the vanguard of Donald Trump’s pandemic response — and, you guessed it, he fucked it up, big-league. Seems that Bob Woodward taped Boy Blunder as well as Trump and,...

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  • October 28, 2020

Obama is on the stump, stumpin’ for Joe. And it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. x Noting that Trump is complaining about the media reporting on rising COVID cases, President Obama says, “He's jealous of COVID's media coverage.” pic.twitter.com/Of4RZxERYt— The American Independent (@AmerIndependent) October 27, 2020 < p class=”is-empty-p”> OBAMA: “And what’s his...

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  • October 27, 2020

Imagine this guy wearing a dirty Mountain Dew T-shirt and cutoff jean shorts saying shit like this. In the bathroom stall of an Arby’s. Doesn’t that make a lot more sense than the actual president of the United States saying it? x Trump: The great Abraham Lincoln, a man that...

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  • October 27, 2020

Donald Trump’s closing argument for another term boils down to … COVID isn’t such a big deal after all and Joe Biden is super-corrupt. Of course, Trump has long since locked down the delusional asshole vote, but a new poll suggests he’s failed to make inroads among members of the sane community. To wit:...

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  • October 27, 2020

Now this is a brilliant campaign strategy nine days before an election — give up! CNN: White House chief of staff Mark Meadows said Sunday that the US is “not going to control” the coronavirus pandemic, as cases surge across the country and nearly 225,000 Americans have died from the virus.   “We...

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  • October 25, 2020

And in case you’re giving Donald Trump credit for a level of understanding that seems beyond his ken, he also thinks Republicans will take back the House. And no one thinks that.  No, it appears he thinks the Senate is lost because there are some GOP senators he doesn’t like — and...

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  • October 24, 2020

Donald Trump has been pretending he has a health care plan for at least four years — and it’s usually just two weeks from being unveiled. He has no health care plan. Never has. Other than risibly claiming he’s going to protect guaranteed issue for people with preexisting conditions —...

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  • October 23, 2020

He’s making a habit of this, and I love it. Who ever said Democrats shouldn’t appear on Fox News? How else are its viewers ever supposed to hear the truth? x Damn. Don’t invite @PeteButtigieg on your show fools, UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET SCHOOLED! Go get ‘em, Mayor Pete....

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  • October 23, 2020

I knew — felt in my gut — that Trump’s reign of chaos would be, well, chaotic. But sheeee-ite, I never thought it would be this bad. And I can be a pretty dark guy. But gosh, I’m not a psychopath. I don’t watch snuff films. I don’t enjoy videos of...

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  • October 22, 2020

I’m excited that a new Borat film is coming out (Friday on Amazon Prime!), but I’m a little disappointed, too. Who decided to change the title from Borat: Gift of Pornographic Monkey to Vice Premiere Mikhael Pence to Make Benefit Recently Diminished Nation of Kazakhstan to the slightly more anodyne Borat Subsequent Moviefilm:...

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  • October 21, 2020

My snark-astic reputation likely precedes me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally have real human feelings. Like when I’m eating nachos and the pace of my cheese* and chips consumption becomes badly staggered, leaving me with a sad, dry-ass pile of un-cheesed chips. That sends me into a very...

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  • October 21, 2020

Oh, and his advisers “have their heads up their asses” — but I didn’t want to put that in the headline because this is a family-friendly column … so long as you’re not talking about my family. They think I do nothing but write anti-Trump screeds all day and smoke weed all...

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  • October 20, 2020

Spin the wheel of presidential absurdity! Where will it land today? Let’s see. Nukin’ hurricanes, border moat, injecting disinfectant, dry-humping the flag, windmill cancer, invisible planes … and today it’s … ordering malts during a highly classified intelligence briefing! Politico: President Donald Trump was in the middle of receiving a highly classified...

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  • October 20, 2020

Donald Trump is melting down faster than a brick of Velveeta nestled snugly between the twin industrial steam pans that are his moobs.  The latest? He’s been trashing Dr. Anthony Fauci, the country’s preeminent expert on infectious diseases, because Trump is missing Friday night Skee-Ball at Chuck E. Cheese or whatever. First, Trump,...

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  • October 20, 2020

What? CNN is still talking about the COVID-19 pandemic? You’d think people are still dying by the thousands or something. From today’s superspreader jamboree in Arizona: x From @therecount… Trump calls @CNN “dumb bastards” for continuing to cover #COVID19. He is spiraling and manifestly Unfit to remain in office. Spread this...

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  • October 19, 2020

I’ve told friends that I’m not going to completely relax until the moment Joe Biden is sworn in by Chief Justice John Roberts on January 20. (And after he’s reelected, I’ll look forward to his swearing-in ceremony with Hillary Clinton, the chief justice of the newly packed Supreme Court, which Thief...

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  • October 18, 2020

Another day, another unflattering tell-all from one of the people who knows Donald Trump best. There are some juicy excerpts here, but in case you’re short of time, the bottom line is this: Pretty much anyone who knows Trump, has worked with Trump, or has done business with Trump thinks...

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  • October 17, 2020

Before Sean Spicer was a fluorescent yellow canary-man who danced like a frog trying to escape from a bucket, he was Donald Trump’s press secretary. x x YouTube Video Remember? Back in the fore-fore times, when we thought maybe Trump would settle down for his nap, but he instead insisted...

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  • October 16, 2020

Before Sean Spicer was a fluorescent yellow canary-man who danced like a frog trying to escape from a bucket, he was Donald Trump’s press secretary. x x YouTube Video Remember? Back in the fore-fore times, when we thought maybe Trump would settle down for his nap, but he instead insisted...

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  • October 16, 2020

Flaily McFails is in rare deform lately. He’s never been able to land a solid punch on Joe Biden so he’s reverted to his default setting, which is to just get crazier and crazier until something appears to stick. But for some reason when you look, talk, and behave like the guy...

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  • October 15, 2020

As everyone knows, elderly people are most at risk for severe COVID-19 outcomes, so it’s puzzling that Donald Trump — a senior who depends on the votes of seniors — has been so blasé about the pandemic. And his campaign message to you — “Trump: Let’s Spin That Chamber Again and...

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  • October 15, 2020

Stuart Spittle, the incredible shrinking candidate, was spinning the hits last night in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Lies that have long since been debunked were pulled out of the couch cushions, denuded of dustballs and cat hair, and fed to the only people dumb enough to accept candy from a creepy old...

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  • October 14, 2020

We all pretty much know who Amy Coney Barrett is. I see such super-Catholics on my social media feeds pretty regularly because, well, I went to Catholic grade school and high school, and a lot of my old classmates either haven’t figured out that I’m a filthy secular humanist or,...

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  • October 13, 2020

You may have seen the ad where Donald Trump uses a quote from Dr. Anthony Fauci to “prove” what a great job his administration has done with the COVID pandemic. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, well, why should you be any different than anyone else? Anyway, here’s...

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  • October 12, 2020

Hey, three of our most populous states have “gone to hell” (or are well on their way) under Trump! Four more years! x California is going to hell. Vote Trump!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 12, 2020 x New York has gone to hell. Vote Trump! — Donald J. Trump...

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  • October 12, 2020

Maybe we can turn this post into a forum on loving Joe Biden. Like many Democrats, I wasn’t fully onboard with Biden early on, even after he secured the nomination. I mean, there was never a question that I’d vote for him, but I wasn’t getting those warm fuzzies I’d...

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  • October 12, 2020

Jennifer Rubin is a longtime NeverTrumper member of the marginally sane community. She’s one of The Washington Post’s conservative writers, but when she decided to side with common sense over Trumpite servility, she became an apostate in the eyes of many of her fellow travelers. Importantly, she pushed away from the...

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  • October 11, 2020

You’ve probably heard that the Regeneron antibody treatment Donald Trump received and subsequently touted as a “cure” for COVID was tested on cells that originally came from an abortion. I’m sure this isn’t the first time an abortion has saved Donald Trump’s ass (just guessing here), but in this case, he’s the...

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  • October 10, 2020

Wolfman Jack’s weird vestigial twin is worried about the election. He’s very concerned that the guy who called his wife ugly and implied his dad killed JFK might lose — and lose badly. In fact, the election could be a “bloodbath” — and not the kind Ted takes every morning...

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  • October 10, 2020

In a flailing attempt (what does he ever do that isn’t flailing?) to somehow pretend the current 25th Amendment buzz isn’t all about him, Donald Trump appeared to step in a big pile of “shit, this isn’t going well, is it?” this morning. FiveThirtyEight currently gives Joe Biden an 85...

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  • October 9, 2020

At some point early next year they’ll squeegee the COVID-riddled puddle of Trump tresses and asshole adipose out of the people’s house, but until then, the toxic diaper barge that is his campaign and presidency will continue to swamp the hopes of Republicans up and down the ballot. At this...

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  • October 7, 2020

So a plague is ripping through the White House and no one knows what to do or what’s really going on, as top officials downplay the threat and keep everyone in the dark. Man, that’s so against type for these people. New York magazine: With President Trump hospitalized for COVID-19 at Walter...

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  • October 3, 2020

Let me bury the lede for the moment to point out that Donald Trump almost certainly thinks he won last night’s debate. Why wouldn’t he? He was quintessentially Trump, and that always gives the ocher asshat a tingling sensation. So it was no surprise when the redoubtable Gabriel Sherman wrote the...

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  • September 30, 2020

I guess if you’re going to support Donald Trump, you pretty much need to be a loathsome, addlepated conspiracy theorist. And if you actually, for some incomprehensible reason, listen to Donald Trump, you’re convinced Joe Biden must have cheated in the debate, because according to DJT, Biden is just a doddering...

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  • September 30, 2020

To be fair, the Trump Train is actually just a train wreck at this point, but we need all the help we can get. Last night’s spectacle wasn’t a debate so much as two animal control guys attempting to remove a mad raccoon from your attic. Donald Trump is a...

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  • September 30, 2020

Oh, hey, guys! I just woke up. Say, is tonight the night Donald Trump finally became president? No? Okay, just joshing. I watched it. And nothing I can say about it will be as good as this, from CNN political contributor Van Jones: x .@VanJones68 summarized the debate perfectly. pic.twitter.com/9qaGVeGNqe—...

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  • September 30, 2020

I’ll never understand why people think Republican presidents — and Republicans in general — are good for the economy. We have decades of economic data that say otherwise. When it comes to the economy, Republicans are like loud, stumbling drunks who keep insisting they’re okay to drive. Every Friday and Saturday...

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  • September 27, 2020

It is nigh on the witching hour and well past weed o’clock, but I have to share this … like a Trump shares an STD* … but with joy and jocularity, not with malice and burning.  It’s excellent. I’d provide a pithy summary with a heapin’ helpin’ of scintillating bons mots, but I...

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  • September 20, 2020

Julia Ioffe is a correspondent for GQ Magazine and, boy, is this ever telling: x Last night when I was in the ER, I asked the absolutely wonderful doctor taking care of me if, five weeks into #COVID19, I were still contagious. He said he didn't know, adding, “The CDC...

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  • September 16, 2020

I don’t tell many lies. Sometimes I fudge my responses a bit when talking to my psychiatrist. Like, I’ll tell her I’m exercising regularly to improve my mood, when by “exercising” I actually mean “eating Corn Nuts.” So it’s not that tough to keep track of my little white lies....

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  • September 15, 2020

This new MeidasTouch ad hits Trump hard. HARD. A must-see. x 📺 NEW VIDEO Retweet if you are ready to use the Republican playbook against Republicans. Donald Trump cannot be trusted with children and damn sure can’t be trusted to lead the country. #PedoTrump pic.twitter.com/SrYlbM2ozI— MeidasTouch.com (@MeidasTouch) September 15, 2020...

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  • September 15, 2020
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