The GOP is no longer a serious political party. It’s a vaudeville show, and all they care about these days is performing. Not performing good deeds, mind you. Just performing. And the top clowns were all feeling their oats on Wednesday. Whether he’s concocting ad hoc reasons for flying to...
Oh, Facebook. Sweet, sweet Facebook. Could you go back to the day when everyone annoyed me with their latest Bejeweled Blitz and Candy Crush scores instead of their breathless invitations to join in the thorough dismantling of Western civilization? You’d think a guy who wanted to nuke hurricanes, suggested injecting disinfectant...
Let’s be clear. I don’t condone Rand Paul’s neighbor’s decision to beat the crap out of him, but I do condone (nay, applaud) everyone else’s decision to laugh at it. Rand Paul is a doctor … of sorts. He rather famously accredited himself through his own accrediting agency—an instance of self-gratifying...
Republicans desperately want you to forget the events of Jan. 6 and their aftermath. Unfortunately, the guy who caused the riot (at least according to Mitch McConnell) is still the face of their party, and so they have to do an awkward little dance where they pretend he’s actually not a...
Can’t wait to see this asshole go: 📹On @FOX43, Sen. Toomey says he wants PA to adopt Georgia's new election laws. I ask what he says to BPOC who say those policies make it harder to vote? He said it's a "ridiculous argument." "Are we really supposed to believe African...
I’m not sure what Matt Gaetz expected. After all, the only exercise Donald Trump ever gets involves golf, languorous coitusTM, and throwing former “friends” under the bus. (Again, Trump has no actual “friends.” He has acquaintances he’s yet to shiv in the liver.) For years, people have filled Gaetz’s head...
I’m not in a jovial mood today. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed … because my bed is still in America. If it straddled the U.S.-Canada border, I might have had a puncher’s chance—but no. I had to wake up here—in the land of the mask-free, gun-obsessed asshole....
Friendly reminder: retiring U.S. Senator Pat Toomey (R. PA) is still an asshole and will not be missed: Republican Sen. Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania on Thursday blocked a bill meant to bar private debt collectors from seizing checks issued as part of the recent stimulus bill. The law that Toomey...
I still remember when Donald Trump got up in front of a throng of masochistic fools and said, of his plutocrat-friendly 2017 tax cut bill, “This is going to cost me a fortune, this thing, believe me. This is not good for me. … I think my accountants are going crazy...
What does it say about Republicans that the two biggest assholes in the multiverse were their No. 1 and No. 2 choice for president in 2016? Of course, as with the infinite regression of turtles in Hindu cosmology, it’s assholes all the way down for the GOP. Ted Cruz, the...
Well, actually, he’s a Badger, not a duck. I was born in Wisconsin and currently live in Oregon. Believe me, I know the difference. And I can assure you, this guy is one enormous Johnson. I’m really not sure what Republicans’ strategy is vis-à-vis the $1.9 trillion COVID relief bill that’s...
Dr. Ronny Jackson, the former White House physician turned member of Congress who once told reporters that Donald Trump could live to age 200 if he would just eat a vegetable, is under intense scrutiny following a new government report on his White House tenure. A new Department of Defense inspector...
Texas really is full of dumb GOP fuckers: x NEW: Texas AG Ken Paxton left the state during the deadly power outages last week to meet with his counterpart in Utah. Paxton's spox did not answer Qs about when he left or returned and why the trip was not postponed....
Good God almighty. Well, this proves Ted Cruz isn’t the Zodiac Killer, because even the Zodiac Killer wouldn’t be sociopathic enough to blame his fucking kids for the biggest asshole move in Texas history. New Statement from @tedcruz: pic.twitter.com/0WMni5O9R1 — Vaughn Hillyard (@VaughnHillyard) February 18, 2021 The full text: Statement...
Every time someone objects to the right-wing nonsense, they respond by whining we’re trying to censor them. Marjorie Taylor Greene of QAnon asshole fame even likes to wear a mask that says “CENSORED” on it. (Well, she doesn’t like to wear a mask, so that’s just more of her norrishkeit....
Conservatives love to mythologize wealthy people as brave, resolute, patriotic captains of industry who won’t let anything get in the way of their success. At the same time, they also frequently portray the rich as timid little whelps who will instantly grab their balls and go home if anyone tries to pluck...
So this story requires a rudimentary understanding of two completely unrelated news items: 1) The weird GameStop stock manipulation that’s currently being undertaken by Redditers. Basically, it’s a gambit intended to screw over hedge fund managers who shorted the stock and to prove that the market is just a load of bullshit,...
Donald Trump tried his best to erase Barack Obama’s legacy, but Joe Biden is president now, and it falls to him to scrub the ocher shite stains out of America’s Underoos. One largely symbolic—but nevertheless important—step is to get the Harriet Tubman $20 bill back on track so Frederick Douglass can see...
Coonskin Gandhi (aka Jacob Chansley, aka Jake Angeli, aka the Odin of Assholes) is currently in a detention facility after checks notes attempting to overthrow the legitimate government of the United States. He put on quite a show for us last week after breaching the Capitol doors and howling at...
We have reached peak absurdity, folks. Two days ago we learned that at least 140 GOP House members had signed on to Donald Trump’s lifelong quest to quiet Fred Trump’s stentorian cries of “LOSER,” which have ping-ponged in POTUS’ head like a pair of droopy, zero-gravity Murdoch balls for the past...
It’s always been obvious to people with more than a cursory understanding of politics that Republicans only pretend to care about working people and small business owners. They accomplish this by endlessly flogging cultural wedge issues like abortion, gun rights, LGBTQ rights, and perceived Christian “persecution” — while at the same...
It’s too, too easy. It’s like Sarah Palin’s intumescent spider sac exploded five years ago and seeded the Earth with omnipresent fucknuttery. And now there’s almost too much conservative cray-cray to make fun of. The semi-sentient bout of cocaine sweats that claims to be the pr*sident’s son has been unwittingly embarrassing itself...
Then Senator Mitch McConnell, the Republican minority leader, had a strategy for his party: use his extensive knowledge of Senate procedure to slow things down, take advantage of the difficulties Democrats would have in governing and deny Democrats any Republican support on big legislation. Now “If I’m still the majority...
Yeah, yeah, I know they’re two people, but Trump won it once, too, and he wasn’t a “person” so much as an irredeemable asshole. CNN: Time magazine has named Joe Biden and Kamala Harris 2020's Person of the Year. The two made history on November 7 when they beat Donald...
How perfect is it that both of Trump’s dead-ender lawyers now have COVID? Axios: President Trump's lawyer Jenna Ellis has informed associates she has coronavirus, multiple sources tell Axios, stirring West Wing fears after she attended a senior staff Christmas party on Friday. Driving the news: There are concerns about the potential...
On Thursday night, Matt Gaetz and his plus-one (i.e., his giant fucking head) attended a Young Republicans gala in Jersey City, New Jersey. Needless to say, the event was held in defiance of social-distancing rules, and the participants were photographed indoors, in close proximity to each other, and without masks. This...
Is Rep. Anthony Sabatini the biggest asshole in America or the biggest asshole in the universe (not counting all those named “Trump,” of course)? Just a couple of weeks ago, Sabatini thought it would be a great idea to endorse a multiple (alleged) murderer for Congress. You know, as a...
Ron Johnson is easily the dumbest man in Washington whenever Louie Gohmert is off dry-humping the animatronic Eve at the Creation Museum in Kentucky. But he’s not dumb enough to think Donald Trump won reelection. Very few Republican politicians are that dumb — though the crass and cynical dishonesty is...
Donald Trump has frequently referred to COVID-19 as an “invisible enemy” — which may be why he’s pretending he doesn’t see it. The coronavirus outbreak is worse than it’s ever been in this country, but as the lame duck à l'orange flops about for the next two months like an...
This is a view from abroad as I have been an expat since the middle of the second term of W.J. Clinton. I am not a Democrat, I am middle of the road European Left and Bernie still makes sense to me. The Republicans have been sprinting to the right...
Donald Trump will forever be remembered as the man who shot himself in the foot while it was in his mouth. He has been his own worst enemy (as well as being the worst enemy of democracy, decency, and plain simple humanity). But one does have to give him credit...
Donald Trump has violated Twitter’s terms of service God knows how many times. He glorifies violence, makes unhinged threats, spreads disinformation (including bizarre and dangerous conspiracy theories), and generally acts like a raging asshole festooned with a magician’s array of aloe and Sriracha wet wipes. On the other hand, Twitter is his lifeline. It’s...
Then I would hate to experience the real thing. Once again my partner and I made the horrible decision [a couple of weeks ago] to live apart because of her work in ER. ML specializes in mental trauma so you can imagine she is tired beyond belief. I have suffered...
Then I would hate to experience the real thing. Once again my partner and I made the horrible decision [a couple of weeks ago] to live apart because of her work in ER. ML specializes in mental trauma so you can imagine she is tired beyond belief. I have suffered...
Trump really thinks like a mafia don, granting and withholding favors (and sometimes killing people) according to his whim and needs. He that the government is his personal business, that he can dole out taxpayer money to his friends and withhold essential services from his enemies as though he were...
Donald Trump’s closing argument for another term boils down to … COVID isn’t such a big deal after all and Joe Biden is super-corrupt. Of course, Trump has long since locked down the delusional asshole vote, but a new poll suggests he’s failed to make inroads among members of the sane community. To wit:...
Stuart Spittle, the incredible shrinking candidate, was spinning the hits last night in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Lies that have long since been debunked were pulled out of the couch cushions, denuded of dustballs and cat hair, and fed to the only people dumb enough to accept candy from a creepy old...
This is great: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's Democratic challenger Amy McGrath thanked her opponent for his “endorsement” while sharing an out of context clip of him speaking during their Monday night debate. On Tuesday, McGrath tweeted “thank you for your endorsement” alongside a video of McConnell saying that “she's...
Maybe we can turn this post into a forum on loving Joe Biden. Like many Democrats, I wasn’t fully onboard with Biden early on, even after he secured the nomination. I mean, there was never a question that I’d vote for him, but I wasn’t getting those warm fuzzies I’d...
At some point early next year they’ll squeegee the COVID-riddled puddle of Trump tresses and asshole adipose out of the people’s house, but until then, the toxic diaper barge that is his campaign and presidency will continue to swamp the hopes of Republicans up and down the ballot. At this...
The redoubtable Gabriel Sherman has a post-POTUS-COVID dispatch from the wondrous, maskless land of the West Wing, where no one ever gets sick from a coronavirus that’s already killed more than 200,000 Americans. (Guess this all makes sense. Washington, D.C., is a blue jurisdiction, and the administration doesn’t really care about...
Donald Trump’s mewling vestigial twin Lindsey Graham has been whining about how his Democratic Senate opponent, Jaime Harrison, is “killing” him financially. Just look at this nattering nabob of negativity: x Here's every time Lindsey Graham begged for money over the last few days and holy shit is he pathetic....
That is some disgustingly shameless pandering: x RIP to the more than 30 million innocent babies that have been murdered during the decades that Ruth Bader Ginsburg defended pro-abortion laws. With @realDonaldTrump nominating a replacement that values human life, generations of unborn children have a chance to live.— Doug Collins...
Last night and this morning, I felt like crawling into a hole for the next 40 days or so. And not a deep hole. I didn’t have the energy or joie de vivre for a deep hole. It would have been a shallow hole. Barely a hole at all. Really,...
Oh, I have your attention now, huh? So I was day-drinking here in the Land of Mordor (i.e., the Willamette Valley of Oregon; seriously, it looks like Satan’s asshole out there … after Satan spent the night binge-drinking in Wisconsin), when I stumbled upon this Politico story, which I am sharing...
Remember when Donald Trump was “Individual 1”? Those were the days — before he became “President Tens of Thousands of Unnecessary Deaths.” Well, it turns out Trump really is a businessman. He can do a cost-benefit analysis like a champ — so long as it relates to hiding porn-star sex from...
What he tweeted before he left for a round of golf: x ….This reminds me of the Dirty Dossier, which was pushed hard by John McCain, & then with a thud turned out to be a total fraud. So many other scams also. The Radical Far Left is VICIOUS, they...
The Daily Beast actually starts its story with this headline: Trump’s Defenders: He Doesn’t Hate the Troops, He Just ‘Sounds Like an Asshole’ In The Daily Beast’s interviews with 11 senior administration officials, Trump aides, Republican operatives, and former and current friends of the president, several of them mounted a...
The summary of today's Trump presser: Trump defended Kyle Rittenhouse x Trump actually offers a defense of Kyle Rittenhouse, his right-wing supporter who killed two protesters. “I guess he was in very big trouble, he probably would've been killed.” pic.twitter.com/XFBtDOHP8y— Pod Save America (@PodSaveAmerica) August 31, 2020 x To be...
President LAW & ORDER seems pretty reticent when it comes to, er … wait, this can’t be right … a white 17-year-old who killed two people and injured another with an AR-15? Why would anyone in their right mind not want to instantly and unequivocally condemn that? Never mind. We’re talking about...
