Adderall

Ethics violations—involving the illegal acceptance of Saudi Arabian gifts ostensibly made from endangered species but later revealed to be cheap fakes—seem like the Trumpiest story ever. All that’s missing is a bone saw, a koi pond’s worth of meat sweats, and a Fiat-sized heap of pulverized Adderall. While norm-breaking and questionable ethical decisions were basically the...

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  • October 12, 2021

So I may be burying the lede on this one—on purpose for once. The buried bit involves a bit of classic Trumpian projection that, sadly and predictably, ventures into the offensive. (Skip ahead if you want to see it. I’ll never know.) But first, let’s take a look at the most...

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  • June 7, 2021

If I had to watch this, you do, too. Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy, who sounds like Mr. Haney and looks like Arnold Ziffel, shot a video that made the NRA—which is dissolving faster than an Adderall suppository in the pulpy crevasses of Donald John Trump’s bottomless backside—bray about “triggering” the libs....

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  • May 25, 2021

So Rudy “Up From His Head Come a Bubblin’ Crude” Giuliani, who represented Donald Trump in his effort to overturn the 2020 election, is now learning where Trump’s loyalties really lie—i.e., with the Adderall fairies whispering in his ear 24/7 about the impudent hobgoblins trying steal his pouch of magic beans. Uh, Donald...

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  • May 5, 2021
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Kristi Noem, the GOP superstar governor who took one of the least densely populated states in the nation and turned it into a big-city-style COVID cluster*, appears to be Republicaning in other ways, too. In other words, she’s following in the feculent footsteps of her ocher overlord by engaging in...

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  • February 15, 2021

Trump aide who slipped an abortion pill into a girlfriend’s smoothie claims Trump is happier. The reality is that there may be a Trump sockpuppet account in Parler anyway, but fortunately no one has yet noticed. x https://t.co/tFzNoKODki— Don Moynihan (@donmoyn) February 8, 2021 x A Former Aide Would Like...

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  • February 8, 2021

Donald Trump is the grift that keeps on grifting. And he has 42 more days to embarrass our country and everyone in it. And, damn, is he ever obliging. He’s almost completely given up on governing so he can focus 100 percent on keeping the job he has no interest in...

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  • December 9, 2020

Donald Trump has frequently referred to COVID-19 as an “invisible enemy” — which may be why he’s pretending he doesn’t see it. The coronavirus outbreak is worse than it’s ever been in this country, but as the lame duck à l'orange flops about for the next two months like an...

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  • November 25, 2020

Noooooooooooo! That is some prodigious perspicacity on the part of BLOATUS. (Sorry, alliteration aficionados. I prefer “BLOATUS” to “POTUS.” So suck a sack of silly string.) NBC News: The president has been complaining to aides and allies about his personal attorney Rudy Giuliani and recently-removed lawyer Sidney Powell’s over-the-top performances at a...

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  • November 23, 2020

Yeah, don’t expect it to make sense. Trump is a quart of strawberries shy of a full Queeg right about now. x In this tweet, the president argues that the election was the most secure election ever except for the fact that it was rigged. pic.twitter.com/SfqavDUEFA— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) November...

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  • November 13, 2020

Nothingburger: but the latest attempt to vilify Hunter Biden does remind us that bad things could happen when you bring your computer in for repair. Ever desperate for a horse race, Comcast gives Trump free air for his own town hall in Miami. x No one should link to or share...

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  • October 14, 2020

In a flailing attempt (what does he ever do that isn’t flailing?) to somehow pretend the current 25th Amendment buzz isn’t all about him, Donald Trump appeared to step in a big pile of “shit, this isn’t going well, is it?” this morning. FiveThirtyEight currently gives Joe Biden an 85...

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  • October 9, 2020

Trump went to Ohio today to draw attention away from what will continue to be news as his crimes catch up to him. Remember that what Trump really wants among many other things is to kill off Social Security, so aside from actually killing off the elderly with incompetent health...

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  • September 22, 2020

I don’t know the name of the reporter who delivered this uppercut. If anyone knows, please say so in the comments, and I’ll be sure to give credit where it’s due. (UPDATE: Looks like we have a winner! S.V. Date of HuffPost, come pick up your Def Leppard T-shirt and...

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  • August 13, 2020

… in the Caribbean, of course. The Genocidal Genoan never set foot in what we now know as the United States. And he had no idea where he was. And the “American way of life” he started was slavery. And greed/plunder. And wanton cruelty. And mass murder. But other than that...

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  • July 5, 2020

Don’t get me wrong. Joe Biden’s recent polling numbers have me giddier than Donald Trump’s Adderall dealer before a Southern superspreader rally. Biden is stomping the sugary piss out of Trump from his fucking basement. It’s a beautiful thing to behold, and I understand the impulse to get out over...

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  • June 26, 2020

What the ever-living fuck is this congealed mound of sidewalk-melted circus peanut talking about? wtf? …. Trump: "I just got back from India, right? I just beat COVID." pic.twitter.com/SIUNoxHzJc — Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) May 28, 2020 REPORTER: “Are you worried about the situation on the border between India and China …?”...

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  • May 29, 2020

Rough weekend as Trump did some ceremonial duties among the golf trips to Virginia. President Trump’s struggles to stand still during a Memorial Day visit to Arlington National Cemetery lit up social media Monday, prompting users to recall past incidents in which the commander in chief, who turns 74 next...

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  • May 26, 2020

More Trump lies in ABC interview, but he wants the ratings, because it’s Mourning in America. “There'll be more death, that the virus will pass, with or without a vaccine. And I think we're doing very well on the vaccines but, with or without a vaccine, it's going to pass,...

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  • May 5, 2020

What. The. Fuck. Is. He. Saying? Trump begins his April 27 #TrumpPressConference with some reading difficulties pic.twitter.com/V1AnjAh9NK — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 27, 2020 TRUMP: “Dickinson, Bologic, and Cephi-Fef-Cepha-hi!” The only thing I can figure is he’s trying to summon Beelzebub for their daily Earl Grey and orphan-livers high tea. It...

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  • April 28, 2020

I mean, this looks like something from the third act of Requiem for a Dream:  when the bleach drip hits pic.twitter.com/FQowQCtIct — Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 27, 2020 Here’s a closer look: Huge pupils to match the huge bags. I think someone is finally tired of the winning. pic.twitter.com/7nvxlXXjd0 —...

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  • April 27, 2020

Oh, that was some press conference, huh? Donald Trump was in rare deform this morning, first screaming at NBC’s Peter Alexander and later making the only trustworthy person on the dais cringe over the continuing politicization of the most dire emergency we’ve faced in more than a decade. First, this: x...

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  • March 20, 2020

Leave it to Donald Trump to find a silver lining that simply isn’t there. During a COVID-19 briefing with airline CEOs yesterday, this bit of word-vomit disgorged from the tumescent noggin of our collective bath salts hallucination: TRUMP: “In a certain way, you could say that the borders are automatically...

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  • March 5, 2020

Everyone loved Bill Murray reprising his role as Phil Connors in Groundhog Day. Everyone hated Trump. USA Today’s Ad Meter, which tabulates consumer ratings, has been running its Super Bowl ad rankings since 1989. This year, Trump’s campaign ad was ranked as the worst. The second-least favorite? This commercial for...

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  • February 3, 2020

Today at a press conference following the 2020 Davos Global Economic Summit, Donald Trump claimed that he’d love to show up at his impeachment trial and confront his accusers. I assume this will happen right after he runs into an active-shooter situation at a school. Because Trump is nothing if not a...

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  • January 22, 2020

Honestly, I don’t totally comprehend Trump-ese. No one does. Not even him. Everything he says seems to have been Google translated from English to Cantonese to Zapf Dingbats and back to English. But, hey, it sure sounds like Donald Trump just stated that he’s willing to take a few swats at entitlement...

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  • January 22, 2020

Rand Paul isn’t too concerned about climate change on Planet Earth, but to his credit he does think we need to start creating livable ecosystems elsewhere. I guess he thinks humanity is on a cosmic pub crawl, and since we’re about to wear out our welcome here, we need to find...

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  • January 18, 2020

The Washington Post has obtained audio of Donald Trump schmoozing his deep-pocketed donors at a Friday night Mar-a-Lago fundraiser, and he made one remark that’s sure to enrage rank-and-file Republicans and GOP lawmakers — if someone can manage to stick the transcript in an enchanted pneumatic tube system and send...

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  • January 18, 2020

I have no idea why, but here it is: #PartyofFive is a mystery, too. It might just be a promoted hashtag, or it could have something to do with Trump’s preferred post-Adderall “executive time” activity, now that Melania doesn’t want to touch him. Of course, Trump was 30 minutes late for...

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  • January 8, 2020

People will disagree on whether Barack Obama really should have gotten a Nobel so soon after becoming president, but I think we can all agree that Trump’s award is richly deserved. On December 10, 2009, President Barack Obama was in Oslo, Norway, accepting his Nobel Peace Prize. Ten years later, on December...

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  • December 11, 2019

I suppose it’s important to project confidence when your bowels are spilling out on the abattoir floor, but this tweet really makes me wonder what channel Donald Trump is watching. And on what planet. (I assume he’s talking about the impeachment hearings and not a Three Stooges short.) x If...

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  • November 21, 2019

I mean, sure, online polls are fun, but they’re almost always meaningless. Especially when an admittedly biased media outlet asks its readers a leading question worded like something William Wallace might say before the Battle of Stirling Bridge. But for the densest man in Washington, these kinds of masturbatory exercises are fraught...

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  • October 1, 2019

For my money, this is still the greatest paragraph ever written in the English — or likely any other — language. And, as you’ve probably already guessed, it’s from Stormy Daniels’ interview with InTouch: But he was a little distracted by the TV. “The strangest thing about that night — this...

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  • September 29, 2019

Donald Trump wants to hold the next G7 summit at his Miami resort, because how else is he going to recoup all the money he’s losing for being an egregious asshole who ruins everything? In the clip below, a somewhat muted Trump — who has possibly been away from his Adderall...

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  • August 27, 2019

Supposedly, Donald Trump doesn’t drink. But I do — and let me tell you from experience, this is at least four white Russians into the kind of bender the ancient Greeks used to write epic poems about. If this dude isn’t actually well into his cups here, someone needs to...

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  • July 26, 2019

Can’t this idiot remember his own racist dog whistles? Someone has to write them down for him? Washington Post photographer Jabin Botsford apparently got a snap today of Trump’s crib notes, in which he attacks Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, et al., for their alleged hatred of America — even though...

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  • July 15, 2019

Donald Trump and Paul Ryan’s relationship has always been fraught. They were forced to work together for two years, but they couldn’t have been much different. Trump obviously had no idea what he was talking about on any subject, whereas Ryan was a celebrated policy wonk who also had no idea...

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  • July 12, 2019

Too busy? Yesterday he told a longwinded story about stacks of bald eagles dying underneath windmills. He also tweeted 14 times. By definition, he’s not too busy. CNN: After a morning court hearing where Trump sought to hold off the congressional subpoena of his accounting firm, the Justice Department told...

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  • May 15, 2019

We had a pointless and destructive government shutdown over it. Racial tensions have been raised to a rolling boil because of it. And — oh, yeah — it would be nice if “Babies in Cages” were the title of a short-lived early-’80s punk rock band from East Sheboygan instead of our current...

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  • May 13, 2019

I continue to be amazed at how simultaneously stupid and evil Republicans are. After all, I was conditioned by years of action adventure movies to believe the supervillain is always a genius. Hannibal Lecter. Ernst Blofeld. Darth Vader. Dr. Evil. Donald Trump. Chuck Grassley. Two of these kids are doing...

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  • April 8, 2019

Greg Sargent, Washington Post reporter and principal writer for the Post’s influential Plum Line Blog, today tweeted out an interesting thread on how the MSM tried for all its worth to equate drumpf’s damaging to the nation as a whole, spiteful, and ultimately futile government shutdown with Speaker Pelosi’s principled and ultimately harmful...

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  • January 27, 2019

Um … x President and Mrs. Obama built/has a ten foot Wall around their D.C. mansion/compound. I agree, totally necessary for their safety and security. The U.S. needs the same thing, slightly larger version! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 30, 2018 Off the top of my head, I can...

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  • December 30, 2018
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