As the current President (hereinafter Individual-1) strode down the dank tunnels under the White House, on his way to watch 8 hours of Fox news, his Secret Service agents roughly and abruptly steered him down a little-used passage.
A few strides later, they met with a cluster of large, muscled men carrying automatic weapons.
“Here he is, he’s all yours now.”
“What?” gasped Individual-1.
“Mr. President, we’ve received word of an attempted treasonous coup to misuse the 25th Amendment. We have an Order of Battle for these circumstances, which requires these men to take over from the Secret Service, and to protect you and escort you to a Special Court to follow up on these matters.”
“Who the hell said there was a plot?” shouted Individual-1.
“Well, you did.”
“Oh. So who are my new protectors?”
“Frog Men. Navy Frog Men. They will guide you to the protection of the Frog Court for the duration.”
They hurried along the tunnel for about 100 yards, and ducked through an unmarked door, into Frog Court. The door locked loudly behind them. They were in a seedy courtroom with worn pews, flickering lights, and stained carpet. Three huge judges sat behind large desks, on a low stage.
“Do we really need a trial on these 10 obstruction of justice charges?” one frog opined in a low throaty voice, “We all read the Report.”
“Robert Mueller here. I’m on the speakerphone. For G—d’s sake you dumb f——–s, he’s guilty as hell.”
“Geez, didn’t Individual-1 already confess on TV to doing some of this stuff?” The Frog Court Judges conferred. “The campaign contribution violations are slam-dunks, too.” “Why the hell didn’t they charge his kid?”
“Wait just a G— d—n second,” Individual -1 objected,”I thought The Frog Court was supposed to be protecting me during this 25th Amendment coup attempt.”
“True,” replied Frog Judge, “However Frog Court also retains criminal jurisdiction over all creatures great and small. And you sir, are the smallest. There’s no Presidential immunity in Frog Court. You’ve got unresolved criminal matters and we’re going to resolve them.”
“Then I insist on a jury trial by my peers!”
“Call the jurors in,” shouted the Frog Court Judge. The Bailiff read the juror names as they entered. “Batista, Somoza, Peron, Salazar, Franco, Montt, Pinochet, Trujilo, Duvalier, Rhee, Kissinger…”
The jury’s eyes glittered at the prospect of another hapless prisoner and a confession to be extracted.
“Um, can we take a break before the trial,” implored Individual -1.
While on break, the Frogmen started trading war stories and didn’t watch Individual -1 closely.
He edged his way down the hall, to a door labelled DO NOT OPEN!! GRAVE DANGER!! Which he promptly opened.
A horrifying “FEED ME SEYMOUR!” rocked the building, and the door slammed shut behind Individual -1, followed by sounds too ghastly to describe.
Frog Court deferred further action until after the 2020 election.
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