Donald Trump “profoundly” accepted the Republican presidential nomination last night. Of course, he meant “proudly,” but hey — reading is not fundamental to him.

I stopped watching after a few minutes, honestly. Did he ever vary his pitch? He seemed pretty low-energy. Good thing hardly anyone was watching.


President Donald Trump pulled out all the stops to deliver a big spectacle for the finale of the Republican National Convention — but it seems to have been a flop in the TV ratings.

Via Fox Sports Executive Vice President Michael Mulvihill, Trump’s speech at the White House scored a rating of 14.1 across six different networks: NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox News, MSNBC, and CNN.

In contrast, Democratic nominee Joe Biden’s speech at last week’s Democratic National Convention scored a rating of 17.5 across those six networks.


Oh, and the poor rating wasn’t simply the result of people passing out in their popcorn from boredom. Seems Americans might finally be fed up with a constant stream of lies that’s swelled to Amazon-like proportions.

Mulvihill also argues that the president’s ratings were not hurt by the fact that he droned on for 70 minutes, far longer than the length of Biden’s speech.

“The length of President Trump’s speech, the longest acceptance speech in history, did not appear to have any impact on viewership,” he writes. “Looking at overnight ratings by quarter hour, the ratings held basically steady throughout.”



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So if you started watching Trump’s speech, chances are you finished watching it. I guess there’s something about his rheumy, basilisk-like stare that keeps people glued to their non-socially distanced seats.

I may finish watching Trump’s speech later. Or I might just listen to this sad trombone for 70 minutes. Maybe I’ll throw in some Price Is Right loser horn just to keep it fresh. I haven’t decided. Though clearly the sound effects would be more entertaining, uplifting, and informative.

What do you think?

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

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