You may know Lindsey Graham as one of Donald Trump’s favorite — and most expendable — colon polyps. But there was a time he pretended to be a senator … with his own opinions and everything.
When he ran against Donald Trump for the GOP presidential nomination, he was among the Abominable Showman’s harshest critics, at one point calling him a “kook,” “crazy,” and “unfit for office.”
That was the last time Graham made any sense.
He has since become one of Trump’s most reliable toadies, going so far as to attempt to convince Georgia’s secretary of state to throw out legal votes if they didn’t appear to aid Trump’s hopeless effort to make himself king-for-life of the United States of Narnia. More recently, Graham has pushed for a special counsel to investigate Biden’s son Hunter.
Needless to say, that’s pretty weird, because Graham once purported to be one of Biden’s best friends in Congress, once declaring, “If you can’t admire Joe Biden as a person, then you got a problem.”
Needless to say, I 100 percent agree with the Ghost of Lindsey Graham Past. But this new dude? Yeah, he sucks Brobdingnagian beluga balls.
And Joe Biden appears to have noticed. In a recent interview with Late Show host Stephen Colbert, Biden was exceptionally diplomatic when asked about his erstwhile friend.
COLBERT: “Lindsey Graham, a friend of yours, he has said things about you nicer than anything that anything has been said about me. I wish somebody would say the things about me that Lindsey Graham said about you. Do you think you guys can patch it up and work together?”
BIDEN: “Lindsey has been a personal disappointment, because I was a personal friend of his. But look … I think I can work with Republican leadership in the House and the Senate. I think we can get things done, and I think once this president is no longer in office, I think you’re going to see his impact on the body politic fade, and a lot of these Republicans are going to feel they have much more room to run and cooperate.”
I love this guy. Gracious and magnanimous as ever, even with a cranky Keebler elf repeatedly stabbing him in the back with a dull Gorgonzola knife.
“A personal disappointment?” More like a personal affront. Or a personal pan pizza topped with Carolina reaper peppers and hot garbage.
But then Lindsey lost his soul ages ago. I’m sure losing the respect of the new POTUS won’t faze him all that much.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!