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Betsy DeVos 'very seriously' considering keeping federal funds from schools that won't reopen

3 min read

Why do I get the feeling that coronavirus is a sentient hive-mind collective that’s infecting our leaders’ brains and forcing them to make stupid, pro-coronavirus decisions?

How else can one interpret U.S. policy with respect to this pandemic?

In an interview with Fox News’ Tucker Carlson last night, full-time Christian soldier and education policy hobbyist Betsy DeVos said the administration is “very seriously” looking at withholding funds from schools that refuse to reopen during the deadly coronavirus pandemic. Because … YAY, PESTILENCE!


Speaking to Fox News host Tucker Carlson on Tuesday night, DeVos said there was “no reason to withhold full-time education” as she said withholding funding from closed schools was “definitely” something to be considered.

The education secretary also lashed out at “fearmongering” adults that were “making excuses” for not opening schools as the U.S. has witnessed growth in the number of new COVID-19 cases.

Yes, those “fearmongering” adults who don’t want their kids to become tiny disease vectors. What do we do with all these wee snowflakes standing in the way of Trump’s “Nothing to See Here” Agenda? I don’t know about you, but back in my day I walked a mile to school through a 2-foot pile of dead and dying Ebola victims.

Later pressed on how seriously she was looking at withholding federal funding from schools, the education secretary said: “We are looking at this very seriously. This is a very serious issue across the country.

“Kids have got to continue learning, schools have got to open up. There has got to concerted effort to address the needs of all kids, and adults who are fearmongering and making excuses have simply got to stop doing it, and turn their attention on what is right for students and for their families.”

I don’t have kids, so it’s hard for me to get an accurate reading on this, but I would assume most parents care more about their children’s lives and the lives of the people in their communities than about their own comfort and convenience. But since Donald Trump can’t conceive of anyone putting someone else’s needs above their own, he thinks parents will want to unload their annoying, bratty kids at all costs. I mean, that’s what he’d want, right?

And, of course, Betsy DeVos, who has somehow survived in her position for three and a half years even as other high-ranking Trump officials have regularly been shoved out to sea on ice floes, is just fine doing his bidding.

Because, well, she’s super pro-life, you know.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

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