I figured I’d skip tonight’s State of the Union address, for the same reason I’m not driving to the local tavern to watch drunk idiots order hardboiled eggs floating in brine: I don’t need to hear what they have to say, and I’d prefer not to vomit if I can help it.

Also, his scripted “call for unity” is patent nonsense.

During a private lunch earlier today with the media, Trump regaled the nation’s television anchors with his thoughts on his bitter enemies across the aisle. And there wasn’t a scintilla of unity to be seen.

New York Times:

Mr. Trump dismissed former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. as “dumb,” called Senator Chuck Schumer of New York a “nasty son of a bitch” and mocked Gov. Ralph Northam of Virginia for “choking like a dog” at a news conference where he tried to explain a racist yearbook photo, according to multiple people in the room.

Glad to see the era of angry partisanship is over!

He seemed confident about his chances for re-election next year, breaking down the emerging field of possible opponents with scathing assessments and predicting that Democrats would move so far to the left that it would make it easier for him to win a second term.

Uh, it’s not about Democrats moving too far to the left. It’s about Trump moving too far up the river. That’s our ace in the hole.

Oh, but don’t worry. He did signal a willingness to be bipartisan. He had no problem criticizing Republicans, too — so long as they were recently deceased war heroes:

Not every target was a Democrat. He recounted again the story of what he considered Senator John McCain’s betrayal in voting against advancing a measure to repeal President Barack Obama’s health care program. Although Mr. McCain has since died, Mr. Trump remains upset.

“By the way,” Mr. Trump said, “he wrote a book and the book bombed.”

Oh, yeah. Pure class.

God bless America.


Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.


But wait, there’s more! The Fierce, Fabulous (and Mostly Fictional) Adventures of Mike Ponce, America’s First Gay Vice President is also available at Amazon! You can get two great political humor ebooks for less than the price of the coffee you’ll be spitting out on your tablet when you read them!

  • February 6, 2019