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Somewhere in a parallel universe we’re safely reopening the country because we elected a president who believes in — and understands — science.

But in this universe we’re still in thrall to a moist, gormless, off-brand circus peanut who sees us all as COVID fodder in his war against Joe Biden, the media, and consensus reality.

In other words, but for an outdated relic of an election system and a few bad breaks, we could have had as our president Hillary Clinton, a brilliant woman who, for what it’s worth, knows how to read a chart.

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Aaaaaannnnnndddd she wouldn’t have sold out our own troops to please Vladimir Putin:

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And, yes, we could have had a president who actually, well, does her homework:

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“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: Donald Trump is still president.”

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!

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