Last updated on January 29, 2021
So this story requires a rudimentary understanding of two completely unrelated news items:
1) The weird GameStop stock manipulation that’s currently being undertaken by Redditers. Basically, it’s a gambit intended to screw over hedge fund managers who shorted the stock and to prove that the market is just a load of bullshit, more or less.
2) Ted Cruz is now and forever an asshole.
First, that rare-as-glitter-farting-unicorns moment when Cruz heartily endorsed something Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted (in the wake of this news).
Wait, did somebody say Ted Cruz? The guy who only wishes he were the Zodiac Killer at this point … rather than the dick-fromage who tried to garrote our democracy in the bathtub?
You haven’t even apologized for the serious physical + mental harm you contributed to from Capitol Police & custodial workers to your own fellow members of Congress.
In the meantime, you can get off my timeline & stop clout-chasing. Thanks.
Happy to work with other GOP on this.
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) January 28, 2021
Needless to say, I’d be all for expectorating Ted Cruz from Congress like the gross, glitchy phlegm-bot he is. I doubt it’ll happen because Republicans are — what’s the word? — cowardly assholes.
Oh, that’s two words, innit?
Well, here are some more: Ted Cruz has no integrity, morals, charm, or reason to exist anywhere outside of a Jaycees haunted house zombie paddock.
He’s a traitor to Congress, the U.S., and decent people everywhere.
It’s about time more representatives and senators freeze his ass out.
Past time, really.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!
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