While I won’t be entirely happy until Donald Trump is exiled to the isle of Elba or the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (my top choice, naturally), his ineluctable slide into social and business pariah status is heartening.
When people say “your money’s no good here,” it’s usually a gesture of familiarity and kindness. But when they say it to Trump, they literally mean it, apparently.
A Florida bank announced Thursday that it has closed down former President Trump’s account, joining a growing list of entities that have cut ties with the former president following the deadly Jan. 6 Capitol riot.
In his financial disclosures, Trump had stated he had two money-market accounts with Banks United, The Washington Post reports. The accounts held somewhere between $5.1 million and $25.2 million.
“We no longer have any depository relationship with him,” said Banks United, without giving reasons for its decision to shutter the accounts.
I don’t know about you, but I never want to hear the phrase “depository relationship” in reference to Trump again. Sounds like something that might have shown up in the Stormy Daniels NDA. Let’s just leave it there.
Anyway, Trump is gonna have to give his money to a family of moderately talented squirrels so they can hide it in trees and tiny forest nooks for him, because in the wake of the Capitol insurrection no one wants to have anything to do with him or his filthy lucre.
Another Florida bank, Professional Bank, last week announced that it would be cutting ties with Trump, saying it would no longer conduct business with the former president or his organizations.
Signature Bank in New York and Deutsche Bank have also said they will no longer be conducting future business with Trump. Signature Bank notably took a strong stance against Trump and his allies in Congress, calling for him to resign and saying it would not conduct business with lawmakers who had objected to certifying the presidential election.
So he attempted to garrote our venerable republic with the help of Ted Cruz and a noisome melange of syrupy sausage fingers and all that happens is a few banks clip his clackers—metaphorically speaking?
Looks like Donald John Trump has run out of runway. And the crash promises to be oh-so-spectacular.
Grab your popcorn. This is gonna be delicious.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!
In contrast to Donald Trump’s shambolic bearing, appearance, and comportment, Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is a natty hail-fellow-well-met and a gentleman.