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America's dumbest new senator could force every Republican in Congress to take Trumpian loyalty test

4 min read

It’s rare when one’s surname so precisely comports with the actual contents of one’s head, but Tommy Tuberville is a rare bird indeed.

Senator-elect Tuberville, who will soon give Sen. Ron Johnson a run for his money when it comes to retaining the title of America’s dumbest senator, doesn’t know what the three branches of government are, but that level of derpitude can generally be washed away from the public consciousness with some well-timed flag-humping, as anyone who’s observed Donald Trump surely knows.

But this? This could be a problem for Yertle and his crew come January 6, when Congress meets to count Joe Biden’s gaudy haul of 306 electoral votes and Donald Trump’s paltry 232 (that’s a landslide, as we all remember from four years of unrelenting ass-braying).

The January 6 session is really just a formality, but some Trumpian dead-enders are planning to raise as much dust as they possibly can. They’re led by Alabama Rep. Mo Brooks, who plans to contest the election in the House. And he’ll need at least one senator to join him to force a vote.

Enter Alabama Senator-elect Tommy Tuberville, who will be sworn in on January 3. (The relevant portion of this clip begins at :30.)

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QUESTIONER: “Are you going to fight to make this election right?”

TUBERVILLE: “We’re going to fight hard.”

QUESTIONER: “What can y’all do on January 6? Madison [Cawthorn] said y’all had tricks up your sleeve.”

TUBERVILLE: “Just wait. Just — well, you’ll see what’s coming. You’ve been reading about it in the House. We’re gonna have to do it in the Senate.”

That implies that Tuberville may be poised to join Brooks’ quixotic bid to reverse the election results.

Spoiler alert: The election results will remain as they are. But what could ensue is a sloppy mess wherein every Republican in Congress is forced to either declare his or her fealty to Trump or be found wanting in the sallow, angry, rheumy eyes of our soon-to-be-86’d pr*sident.

And Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who is almost certainly smarter than Tuberville (aren’t we all?), doesn’t want that to happen.

Politico:

McConnell told his caucus that challenging the results would force Republicans to take a “terrible vote” because they would need to vote it down and appear against President Donald Trump. Senate Majority Whip John Thune (R-S.D.) and Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) also echoed McConnell’s remarks.

Several House Republicans, led by hard-line conservative Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala.), are still planning to challenge the election results on Jan. 6, the date Congress will officially certify them. If a Republican senator joins the long-shot effort, however, it will force both chambers to take a vote on the election. But they have yet to get official buy-in from any GOP senators, though Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) hasn't ruled it out.

McConnell and every marginally sane Republican knows that forcing a vote would be terrible for nearly every Republican in Congress, as they’d be compelled to choose between reality and Trump, and if they opt for reality, that’s a choice their constituents simply will not abide.

But Tuberville? If anyone is dumb enough to fall into this seething tar pit, it’s this guy.

Meanwhile, since the House (which is controlled by Democrats) would have to officially endorse a reversal of the election results for this to go anywhere, the chance that this helps Trump is basically zero. But Tuberville would win the eternal affection of a 74-year-old lame duck president who eats Big Macs like Tic Tacs.

So … no downside, right?

Well, not if you’re Mr. Potato Head, I suppose.

This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. The first history of the Trump Error is complete! Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump is hot off the presses! Along with Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump, you’ll see the Trump years from a hilarious new perspective. Click those links, yo!

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