First, the bad news.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the U.S. hemorrhaged 701,000 jobs in March, and since jobless claims are currently in the millions per week, that’s likely a vast understatement of the true picture.

Now, the “good” news. Grampa Rage Diapers just let us know that the Keystone XL Pipeline is going forward as planned:


Of course, when Trump signed an executive order to facilitate the building of the Keystone pipeline, he claimed it would create 28,000 “great construction jobs.” Estimates from planet Earth, however, pegged the number at “3,900 direct construction jobs if it was built over one year, or 1,950 if the work was spread over two years.”

After construction is done, it would support approximately — uh, um … oh, here it is — 50 jobs.


— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) April 3, 2020


— Eugene Gu, MD (@eugenegu) April 3, 2020


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This is like tossing a drowning man a Styrofoam packing peanut. But, you know, when has Trump ever missed an opportunity to brag? In this case about a pipeline designed to speedily transport the dirtiest fossil fuel on the planet from Canada to Texas, risking serious leaks and spills along the way.

We’re saved!

Yay, America!

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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