A Weird Path to the Acceptance of Self.

I was raised Lutheran i.e. by the doctrine of Sola Gratia, Sola Fide, and  Sola Scriptura. The only part of which spoke to me was that my neighbour needed more of my “good” deeds than god, being omnipotent that made sense, the rest not so much.

I was aware of my sexuality fairly young, well, after I found out what sexuality was, I never defined myself by this, other people did. This was at the time Reagan invited evangelicals into politics and changed the worlds of politics and religion for the worse, separation of church and state be damned.

Anyway back to the purpose of the diary.

At about the same time I became interested in fantasy and science fiction as they pointed to different/alternative possibilities for the future, through this curiosity/need I came across in the family bookshelves:

The Lord of Light by Roger Zelanzy.  [no, not as in Game of Thrones]

The opening grabbed me:

“His followers called him Mahasamamatman and said he was a god. He preferred to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circumstances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit.

Now the book itself, whilst being a great read, in itself not being enlightening did open the door to further reading into both Hinduism and Buddhism, so I must thank Roger for that again since I wrote to him before his death and treasure his reply.

I have suffered from anxiety, not because I am different, but because others define me as such. Buddhism immediately attracted me (I have always been interested in intellectual revolutionaries) in that it was directed to compassion and empathy towards others through the understanding of self. I find  meditation wonderfully calming especially in these times of enforced separation.

Just a quick diary

If we fail to look after others when they need help, who will look after us?

~ Buddha



  • April 24, 2021