What the ever-living fuck is this congealed mound of sidewalk-melted circus peanut talking about?

REPORTER: “Are you worried about the situation on the border between India and China …?”

TRUMP: “Ah, India. He loves India so much, he’s never asked a question other than an India question, and that’s okay. I just got back from India, right? I just beat COVID.”

Nice try, but the answer we were looking for is “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, his name is my name, too!” Feel free to play again tomorrow.

So Don Sequitur is spritzing his magic brain dust all over the Oval Office again and … I. Can’t. Even.

Fact check: You did not just beat COVID. COVID is not defeated. You, in fact, are COVID’s BFF. Fucking duh.

If you pressed my brain through a Play-Doh Fun Factory, stapled it to a feral pig, and then haphazardly shoved it back into my skull with an egg whisk weeks later, I’m certain I wouldn’t say anything this random or stupid. But it’s just another day at the office for this clown.

Please, please, please, can I just fast-forward to November? Please? 

Ah, never mind. I need to campaign for Joe Biden, whom Republicans seem determined to paint as a mentally unfit old guy who says crazy things.

UPDATE? Talking Points Memo’s Josh Marshall has a potential explanation for this particular hunk of logic shrapnel that’s now firmly ensconced in at least one buttock o’ mine. (h/t RETIII) It seems marginally plausible, but I never know what to believe anymore. And why the fuck do we have to consult a fucking gibberish-to-English dictionary every time this guy opens his mouth?

UPDATE 2: I wrote that update while high. Please forgive any typos.

UPDATE 3: I still make way more fucking sense than Donald Trump on his least-Adderall-besotted day.

UPDATE 4: And don’t think I didn’t notice Trump saying, “He loves India so much, he’s never asked a question other than an India question, and that’s okay” to a reporter who was clearly from FUCKING INDIA.

“This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Find out what made dear Bette break up. Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are now available for a song! Click those links, yo!