Friend of pastor arrested for keeping megachurch open announces big Christian Woodstock

On the heels of his friend Rodney Howard-Browne’s arrest for defying orders against hosting large gatherings, evangelist Jonathan Shuttlesworth is defying orders against hosting large gatherings. 

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Howard-Browne was arrested yesterday for refusing to close his Tampa, Florida, megachurch even as the deadly coronavirus continues to circulate throughout the country, presumably nowhere near its peak of infection. And now, Shuttlesworth seems determined to one-up him.

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SHUTTLESWORTH: “I’m going to announce it, but we’re going to hold an outdoor Easter blowout service — not online. A national gathering. You come from all over, like Woodstock, and we’re going to gather and lift up Jesus Christ. I’m not ashamed that Dr. Rodney got arrested. I’m ashamed that when they wanted to arrest preachers for having church, in the entire state there was only one to come for.”

Quick question: Jesus Christ can’t lift himself up? He needs a phalanx of wheezy devotees to do it for him?

It’s hard to overstate just how bad an idea this is. Thousands of people — many of them presumably elderly — would be gathering together in close quarters, hugging, shaking hands, high-fiving, and whatnot.

They would then take the virus back home and reseed the towns and cities they came from. It’s like they're a snake-handling cult, but this time they’re bringing their snakes with them to Kroger.

Shuttlesworth might want to check out this video, which details the theoretical spread of the virus due to Florida spring breakers:

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— Tectonix GEO (@TectonixGEO) March 25, 2020

So, yeah, terrible idea, dude. Presumably he’s already taken the brown acid.

Also, Diamond & Silk are convinced the coronavirus case numbers are being fudged to hurt Trump because … well, just because:

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— Jason Campbell (@JasonSCampbell) March 30, 2020

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Got that?

Of course, trying to follow their logic is like chasing a Ding Dong down a sewer grate. It’s not worth it, and you shouldn’t even bother.

But this is what we’re still dealing with. Virus deniers were bound to be out there, I suppose, but these nuts have the ear and the sympathy of the pr*sident.

And now more than ever, that’s just dangerous.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear Fcking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its boffo sequels Dear Prsident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.