Elizabeth Warren: Debating Bloomberg will show how we take on an egomaniac billionaire

The disappearing of Elizabeth Warren is, in my opinion, a tragedy and a crime. (Full disclosure: She’s my top candidate and has been for some time now.)

But she’s not going to go away without a fight, and everything she does from here on out will be accomplished with her usual sharp wit and aplomb.

For example:

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The latest example of Bloomberg’s egomania? His campaign is suggesting that other candidates, who have been on the trail for months longer than he has, should drop out in order to keep Bernie Sanders from opening up an insurmountable delegate lead.

Or, here’s an idea: He could use his money to support our eventual nominee. Doesn’t have to be him. I don’t know about you, but I’m not thrilled about the prospect of voting for the less sexist and racist rich white guy in November.

Donald Trump has taken to calling Bloomberg “Mini Mike.” I suggest another nickname: “Mini Donald Trump.” He’s not nearly as evil as Trump, and I’ll vote for him if I have to, but sheesh. Is this really going to be one of the last survivors of the most diverse candidate field we’ve ever had? 

I live in Oregon and our primary isn’t until May. Then, in November, I’ll be compelled to vote for whatever Dem they force-feed me. It feels like I’m going to finally get a table at my favorite restaurant only to discover that the only remaining menu items are liver and onions and the grilled dick sandwich with a charcuterie plate of raw penises.

Sure, I’ll eat the less gross thing, but come on. Why has is my choice being stolen from me?

My super blowout book sale is still going! My latest e-book Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump, is currently on sale for a redonkulous $1.99. It returns to its (moderately redonkulous) regular price of $2.99 on February 21. Meanwhile, you can find all my acclaimed Trump-trashing treatises at Amazon. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief.