I went to Catholic school and often ate Lucky Charms on Saturdays. Not every Saturday. You know, when I’d get a wild hair. I wasn’t gay or anything. I just liked Lucky Charms. Something about the festive assortment of colors and the convivial cardboard texture. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, of course. I’d argue eating Lucky Charms is questionable, though. Have you read the ingredients? Ugh.
Anyway, a Christian school in Kentucky apparently expelled a student, Kayla Kenney, for posting a Facebook photo of her rascally self wearing a rainbow shirt and sitting in front of a rainbow cake. Because Kentucky has rid its state of so much debauchery and evildoing, it can afford to worry about marginally suspect cakes and sweaters now. This is literally their biggest problem.
But according to Kenney’s mother, Kimberly Alford, the perp just wanted some food coloring-sodden birthday carbs.
Ahead of the party, Alford instructed a bakery to decorate a cake with colors that “pop,” she recalled. It just so happened that the cake’s rainbow motif mirrored the design on her daughter’s sweater, and she took a picture of Kayla smiling next to it to commemorate the Dec. 30 party.Now, Alford alleges the seemingly innocuous photo caused Kayla to be expelled from Whitefield Academy, a private Christian school in Louisville, where her daughter was a freshman. In an email to the family on Jan. 6, the academy’s head of school, Bruce Jacobson, wrote that Kayla’s enrollment was terminated, effective immediately, because of a social media post. Alford said an image of her Facebook post was included as an attachment to the email.
Well, it’s a private Christian school, so I guess they’re allowed to do this. But seriously? What century are we in?
Alford said she knew the rainbow was a — gasp! — gay symbol, but her intent was not to make everyone in Kentucky gay. It was, she claims, just a coincidence.
“Rainbows don’t mean you’re a certain gender or certain sex or sexuality,” Alford told The Washington Post, adding that she provided the school a receipt from the bakery listing the cake’s design as “assorted colors.” “I’m not saying she’s this or that — she’s just Kayla to me. … I ordered the cake, she didn’t.”
To me, the bigger sin is fucking dolphin and unicorn and Andy Gibb posters all over the fucking place, though to be fair I might just be flashing back to my grody sister’s ‘70s bedroom aesthetic — which was awful, for the record.
For its part, Whitefield Academy said Kenney wasn’t expelled for this incident but for a pattern of misbehavior. Maybe one too many Paul Lynde impressions? Who knows?
But he school did manage to turn it around on Alford, subtly accusing her of being a horrible parent:
“Our code of conduct is on par with other private Christian schools in our area,” the school wrote in its statement Tuesday. “It is unfortunate that one of the student’s parents chose to post internal family matters on social media, and we hope our former student is not adversely affected by what her parents chose to make public about her situation.”
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