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Defense Secretary Mark Esper was a defense industry lobbyist; guess whose stock just jumped

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With his nomination of former Raytheon vice president and lobbyist Mark Esper for secretary of defense, Donald Trump essentially chummed the swamp with alligator feed.

Of course, it was kind of a joke for Trump to put a defense contractor in charge of the DoD while at the same time insisting he was “draining the swamp.” But then pretty much everything Trump does is a joke.

And now the only ones laughing are — you guessed it! — defense contractors, who stand to profit (you might even say “profiteer”) from Donald Trump’s latest cranial methane discharge.

Following yesterday’s assassination of Iranian Gen. Qassem Suleimani — which many analysts say will precipitate a wider conflict, if not a full-scale war — defense stocks inexplicably gained ground while the rest of the Dow and S&P 500 took a nosedive. 

The Los Angeles Times:

Northrop Grumman Corp. stock jumped 5.4%. Based in Falls Church, Va., Northrop Grumman makes such aircraft as the B-2 bomber and the upcoming B-21 bomber and is the sole bidder to build the next generation of intercontinental ballistic missiles.

AeroVironment Inc. advanced 6.9%. The Simi Valley company makes small, short-range reconnaissance drones that U.S. soldiers use. The increase in troop deployment to the Middle East could mean more business for AeroVironment, said Ken Herbert, managing director with investment banking and financial services firm Canaccord Genuity.

Shares of Lockheed Martin Corp., which makes the F-35 fighter jet, climbed 3.6%. Missile and radar technologies maker Raytheon Co.’s stock rose 1.5%.

Ah, yes. Raytheon. Hmm.

But don’t worry. When Esper is done making the Middle East great again, he’ll content himself with taking long walks on the beach. No chance a grateful defense contractor will hire him as a lobbyist or anything.

Mark Esper’s retirement plan. Long walks on the beach.

Say, has anyone gotten a look at Donald Trump’s stock portfolio? Does he own Raytheon shares? Any hinky purchases of defense stock by Trump cronies we should know about?

Of course not. Nothing to see here. Move along now.

Yo! Pennyfarthing’s Trump-trashing series is now a trilogy! Grab your copy of Dear Pr*sident A**clown: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing. And, of course, Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Rude Letters to Donald Trump are still selling like lukewarm-cakes. Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” soul-soothers.

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