Gordon Sondland's instant metamorphosis into a coffee boy

Donald Trump, his voice modulated to drown out the helicopter rotors and the shrieking shame goblins in his head, made a statement this morning on the White House lawn.

Summary: I WANT NOTHING! I WANT NOTHING! And who the fuck is Gordon Sondland?

Yes, as you almost certainly predicted, Trump doesn’t know Sondland very well, even though Trump gave Sondland an important ambassadorship after Sondland contributed $1 million to Trump’s inauguration/hellmouth grand opening.

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“’What do you want from Ukraine, I keep hearing all these different ideas and theories. What do you want? What do you want?’ It was a very short and abrupt conversation that he had with me. ‘They said he was not in a good mood.’ I’m always in a good mood, I don’t know what that is. He just said, now he’s talking about what my response. So he’s going, ‘What do you want? What do you want? I hear all these theories. What do you want?’ And now, here’s my response that he gave, just gave. Ready? Do you have the cameras rolling? ‘I want nothing. That’s what I want from Ukraine, that’s what I said. I WANT NOTHING!’ I said it twice. … I don’t know him very well, I have not spoken to him much, this is not a man I know well. Seems like a nice guy, though. But I don’t know him well. He was with other candidates, he actually supported other candidates. Not me. Came in late.”

TrumpasSargeantSchultz.jpg

He wants nothing, he knows nothing.

Donald Trump: Zen master

Of course, right now he doesn’t know Sondland. Soon he’ll remember him well enough to declare him a lightweight and a loser and a low-IQ individual and an incompetent and all the usual nonsense.

In other words, he’s going to project like his political life depends on it.

Which, I suppose, it does.

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