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'Dumping on the media and blindly defending the president' is 'what being a Republican has come to'

It’s always nice when they say the quiet part out loud. What is the Republican Party even about anymore? They used to oppose tariffs, stand for family values, recoil at deficit spending, and pretend that everything from wearing a tan suit to using a selfie stick fatally undermined the dignity of the presidency.

Of course, of those examples, only the tariff thing was sincere. They’ve been the deficit party since the early ‘80s, the family values crap was always cynical Kabuki theater, and they would have attacked Obama for anything that had even a whiff of impropriety about it. Imagine if he’d had five children by three different women, married a woman who’d done pornographic photo shoots, trashed our allies, sidled up to dictators, and tweeted barely intelligible insults to respected public figures every day of his presidency.

Oh, you don’t have to imagine, really. It’s clear as day.

But Trump? They’ll defend him no matter what. Because he’s nearly the right color. And if you sandblasted his face for a fortnight or so, you’d eventually see that he’s white.

In a Friday Los Angeles Times story about Trump’s impeachment troubles, one anonymous GOP aide pretty much gave away the game — even though the truth has been glaringly obvious to all of us for the past two and a half years:

“At this point, [Trump] could be caught walking out of a Federal Reserve bank with two giant sacks of money in his hands and no Republican would vote to impeach him for grand larceny,” said a senior Senate GOP aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

“Our voters want two things from their congressmen: [dumping] on the media and blindly defending the president,” the aide added. “That’s what being a Republican has come to.”

While some cracks have started to show lately — with a few GOPsters diffidently supporting an impeachment inquiry — the Dems’ chance of breaking the Republican pro-Trump firewall still appears dim.

But that doesn’t mean this impeachment won’t fatally wound the president. Trump may be whistling past the graveyard, convinced that his base will rally behind him and deliver him another term, but others in his campaign aren’t so sure this is good news.

One administration official described the president as “shell shocked” by the sudden political gut punch even as he insists the impeachment fight will help him win reelection next year by rallying his base and angering independents.

“I think he’s badly wounded right now,” said a Trump campaign advisor who is in frequent contact with the president, one of several aides who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss internal discussions. “I’m suddenly very worried about 2020.”

Dude, you should have been worried about 2020 long ago, because Trump is less popular than used gum.

But watching the Trump campaign freak out is always fun. Let’s hope they flounder and flail at least until next November. If Trump isn’t summarily removed before then.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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