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Did Trump shiv Pence during his low-energy speech today?

It looks like we need to put Donald Trump in cryogenic freeze until science finds a cure for very, very low energy.

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Today, Trump came down from the prospectin’ camp what’s a spell up the mountain by the crick near the big rock next to Farmer Olsen’s hunner’-year-old oak tree to ramble incoherently about this and that and the other.

Here’s a brief clip:

Oh, wait. Sorry. That was his State of the Union speech.

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Here’s the clip from today:

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“It was beautiful, it was just a perfect conversation. … I think you should ask for VP Pence’s conversation because he had a couple of conversations also. I could save you a lot of time, they were all perfect. Nothing was mentioned of any import other than congratulations. But the word is that they’re going to ask for the first phone conversation. You can have it any time you need it, and also Mike Pence’s conversations, which were, I think one or two of them. They were perfect. They were all perfect.”

Did you see that? The part where he subtly throws Mike Pence under the bus? Because he’ll be goddamned if that creepy white-haired Children of the Corn motherfucker ever becomes president. 

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And who’s next in line to the presidency after Pence? Well, Nancy Pelosi, of course.

Well played, Donny!

By the way, you can’t see it in this clip, but the look on Mike Pompeo’s face during this “speech” is precious. He looks like he wants to stuff Trump in a big flour sack with a saddlebag full of horseshoes and drown him in the nearest river. 

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Ah, but that didn’t happen. It’s just business as usual for Pompeo and his colleagues — pretend the president of the United States isn’t three jars of urine away from being Howard Hughes and get on with your day.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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