Behold! The frailest, most insecure little snowflake you’ll ever lay eyes on:
Yup. Because with the Amazon rainforest on fire, another potentially disastrous storm bearing down on Puerto Rico, and recession indicators flashing red left and right, this is what’s important. Pr*sident Trump’s crowd sizes.
Here’s an idea, Mr. Pr*sident. You have to keep things fresh! Maybe try jumping over a shark on waterskis. It worked for The Fonz, and you’re a thousand times cooler than he ever was.
Then the media can all report that you jumped the shark at your latest rally, and 500,000 people were there to watch! (You should probably skip the super-tight swim trunks, though, unless you’re gracious enough to hand out oyster-shucking knives for those who want to promptly unburden themselves of their forever-unclean eyeballs.)
What could possibly go wrong?
Come on! You have to keep ‘em guessing. You’re not gonna let a woman draw more fans than you, are you?
Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.