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Elizabeth Warren is drawing big crowds, and Trump is freaking out about it

Behold! The frailest, most insecure little snowflake you’ll ever lay eyes on:

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Yup. Because with the Amazon rainforest on fire, another potentially disastrous storm bearing down on Puerto Rico, and recession indicators flashing red left and right, this is what’s important. Pr*sident Trump’s crowd sizes.

Here’s an idea, Mr. Pr*sident. You have to keep things fresh! Maybe try jumping over a shark on waterskis. It worked for The Fonz, and you’re a thousand times cooler than he ever was.

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Then the media can all report that you jumped the shark at your latest rally, and 500,000 people were there to watch! (You should probably skip the super-tight swim trunks, though, unless you’re gracious enough to hand out oyster-shucking knives for those who want to promptly unburden themselves of their forever-unclean eyeballs.)

What could possibly go wrong?

Come on! You have to keep ‘em guessing. You’re not gonna let a woman draw more fans than you, are you?

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Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks? Then Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump and its breathlessly awaited sequel Dear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing are the pick-me-up you need! Reviewers have called these books “hysterically funny,” “cathartic,” and “laugh-out-loud” comic relief. And they’re way, way cheaper than therapy.

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