Donald Trump said today that he believes China may seek to delay trade negotiations until after the 2020 election in the hope that the country could negotiate with another president a sane person.


“I don’t think personally China would sign a deal if I had a 2% chance of losing the election,” Trump told reporters at the White House just days before top U.S. officials head to Shanghai for another round of negotiations.

“I think China would probably say: ‘Let’s wait. Let’s wait. Maybe Trump will lose and we can deal with another dope, or another stiff.’”

Wait, what’s wrong with the dope they’re dealing with now? Too dopey? (Think about rephrasing that, Mr. Pr*sident, and this time see if you can incorporate the words “infantroopen” and “lawmurkers.”)

So Trump is advertising to farmers and all the other workers and businesses he’s fucked sideways with his tariffs that nothing is likely to change and ¯_(ツ)_/¯. Whatevs, dairy farmers. Seeya on the flippity-flop. Bankruptcy’s not so bad. Trump bankrupted a bunch of casinos and still somehow managed to reap a huge profit. All you have to do is round up a passel of chumps to invest in your herds. You could start at $2,000 per teat. That should tide you over.

So Mr. Art of the Deal is now shuffling around like Eeyore making excuses for his ruinous and failing trade war. Why did this seem entirely predictable?

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