Trump Tower has become one of the least desirable luxury buildings in Manhattan

If it came down to living in Trump Tower or a giant hamster ball rolling around Ted Kaczynski’s cabin inside a sperm whale’s uterus, well, first I’d ask which has better valet service. And then I’d pick the hamster-Kaczysnki-whale womb. Without question.

Then again, Trump Tower was never for impecunious plebs like me. It was for rich, fuck-faced, silver-spoon twits like the Kushners and the Trumps.

And, believe it or not, once upon a time, lots of Manhattanites were champing at the bit to get in. Yes, apparently there was a halcyon era when the piquant scent of testosterone, Old Spice, and McNugget sauces was not overly off-putting for New York society folks. 

Well, no more.

According to a new Bloomberg story, Trump Tower is now the Pripyat of Old New Amsterdam:

For anyone who owns a unit in the tower, the past two years have been brutal. Most condo sales have led to a loss after adjusting for inflation, property records show. Several sold at more than a 20% loss. By contrast, across Manhattan, just 0.23% of homes over the past two years sold at a loss, according to real-estate data provider PropertyShark, although the firm doesn’t adjust for inflation.

While some corners of Trump’s business empire have thrived, such as his Washington D.C. hotel, others have suffered from his high unpopularity. Rounds of golf are down at his public course in New York, a clutch of once Trump-branded buildings have torn his name off their fronts, and an ambitious plan to launch a new mid-tier hotel chain across the country fizzled.

Yes, Trump has become the Jared from Subway of his own brand — only there’s no way to get rid of him. He is the brand. And the brand, well, sucks.

The commercial portion of the building has been struggling for months to find tenants for more than 42,000 square feet of vacant office space, despite advertising rents well below the area’s average, listings and data from real estate brokers show.

In addition:

  • The building’s occupancy rate has fallen from 99 percent to 83 percent over the past seven years.
  • The building’s net income is 26 percent lower than bankers expected when they gave the Trump Organization a loan in 2012.
  • Of the 13 condos that have sold in the building since Trump’s election, at least eight have sold at an inflation-adjusted loss. “By contrast, just 57 homes in Manhattan sold over the past two years at a loss, out of 24,871 third-party sales, according to PropertyShark, although the firm doesn’t adjust for inflation.”

Even Barbara Res, who worked for Trump for years and oversaw construction of the building, is throwing shade. She agrees that the building is undesirable. This may be because of the hassle created by increased security or the fact that Trump has done little to keep the building up to date.

One of the building’s other problems is that Trump hasn’t spent much money updating the tower in recent years, according to disclosures to investors.

“I don’t think I would want an office in Trump Tower,” Res said. “Why would you go there? It’s a wonder he doesn’t have 50% vacancy.”

Sad!

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