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Repost. 2016's 'Twas The Right Before Christmas

Ursulafaw requested a repost of this Christmas classic from 2016. 

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Hope you enjoy!

'Twas the Right before Christmas  

Twas the right before Christmas, when all through the states,

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– 'Thug legislatures were ginning up hate.

– In Charlotte they dimmed the new Democrat's lights,

– And Columbus nixed women's health care rights.

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– 'Thug voters were nestled all snug in their beds,

– While visions of Trump Care danced in their heads.

– And the wife in her sackcloth, me feeling like crap,

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– Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

– When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

– I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!

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– Away to the window I flew like a flash,

– Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!

– The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

– Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

– When, what to my wondering eyes was displayed,

– But a gold plated Caddie pulled by exhausted Trump aides.

– With a short fingered driver, so orange and plump,

– I knew in a moment it must be Der Trump!

– More sluggish than beagles his flunkies they came,

– And he farted, and shouted, and called them by name!

– “Now, Hannity! Now, Bannon! Now, Christie, Omarosa! I say!

– On, Rudy! On, Priebus! On, Gingrich! On, Kelly Conway!

– To the top of the porch! to the top of yon wall!

– Now Drudge away! Drudge away! Drudge away all!”

– As horse hockies from a horse's rectum that fall,

– And splat with a squish to the floor of the stall,

– So up to the house-top the flunkies they flew,

– With a Caddy full of noise, and Vulgarian too!

– And then, stomach turning, I heard on the roof

– The mewing and fawning of each little goof.

– As I drew in my head, and was about to scream stop!

– Down the chimney Hair Fuhrer fell with a plop!

– He was dressed all in chintz, from his head to my floor,

– A bad Santa knock off from his mill in Lahore.

– A sack of foul juju he flung on my bed,

– And he looked like an asshole – with a badger on his head!

– His eyes-how they squinted! His sclera bloodshot!

– His cheeks looked like uni, his nose ran with snot!

– His nasty little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

– And the stumps he calls fingers look more like my toes!

– A dumb smirk played over his porcelain teeth,

– As sulfur encircled his head like a wreath.

– He had a fat face and a big ole round gut,

– An orange hued Santa crossed with Jabba the Hutt!

– He spoke a half sentence, and went straight to his work,

– Emptied all the kid's the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

– And laying half finger aside of his nose,

– He snorted a line and up the chimney he rose!

– He slunk to his Caddy, gave his flunkies the whip,

– And away they all vanished like a Chinese jacked ship!

– But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he tooled out of sight,

– “Thanks for the donation, welcome to the alt-right!”

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