Ursulafaw requested a repost of this Christmas classic from 2016.
Hope you enjoy!
'Twas the Right before Christmas
Twas the right before Christmas, when all through the states,
– 'Thug legislatures were ginning up hate.
– In Charlotte they dimmed the new Democrat's lights,
– And Columbus nixed women's health care rights.
– 'Thug voters were nestled all snug in their beds,
– While visions of Trump Care danced in their heads.
– And the wife in her sackcloth, me feeling like crap,
– Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
– When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
– I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter!
– Away to the window I flew like a flash,
– Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!
– The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
– Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
– When, what to my wondering eyes was displayed,
– But a gold plated Caddie pulled by exhausted Trump aides.
– With a short fingered driver, so orange and plump,
– I knew in a moment it must be Der Trump!
– More sluggish than beagles his flunkies they came,
– And he farted, and shouted, and called them by name!
– “Now, Hannity! Now, Bannon! Now, Christie, Omarosa! I say!
– On, Rudy! On, Priebus! On, Gingrich! On, Kelly Conway!
– To the top of the porch! to the top of yon wall!
– Now Drudge away! Drudge away! Drudge away all!”
– As horse hockies from a horse's rectum that fall,
– And splat with a squish to the floor of the stall,
– So up to the house-top the flunkies they flew,
– With a Caddy full of noise, and Vulgarian too!
– And then, stomach turning, I heard on the roof
– The mewing and fawning of each little goof.
– As I drew in my head, and was about to scream stop!
– Down the chimney Hair Fuhrer fell with a plop!
– He was dressed all in chintz, from his head to my floor,
– A bad Santa knock off from his mill in Lahore.
– A sack of foul juju he flung on my bed,
– And he looked like an asshole – with a badger on his head!
– His eyes-how they squinted! His sclera bloodshot!
– His cheeks looked like uni, his nose ran with snot!
– His nasty little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
– And the stumps he calls fingers look more like my toes!
– A dumb smirk played over his porcelain teeth,
– As sulfur encircled his head like a wreath.
– He had a fat face and a big ole round gut,
– An orange hued Santa crossed with Jabba the Hutt!
– He spoke a half sentence, and went straight to his work,
– Emptied all the kid's the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
– And laying half finger aside of his nose,
– He snorted a line and up the chimney he rose!
– He slunk to his Caddy, gave his flunkies the whip,
– And away they all vanished like a Chinese jacked ship!
– But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he tooled out of sight,
– “Thanks for the donation, welcome to the alt-right!”