While conservative Christians prepare to celebrate the War on Christmas season — which they clearly relish more than Christmas itself because, well, there aren’t any Jewish socialists in it — they’ve found another cause célèbre to tide them over.
It seems an American “missionary” with a death wish tried to make contact with the notoriously aloof (and by “aloof” I mean “homicidally introverted,” like me most days before caffeine) Sentinelese tribe last week.
Christian Dem in NC has a good rundown of what happened in this diary, but long story short, a fundie Christian man named John Allen Chau tried to visit the North Sentinel Island near India in order to proselytize to its un-Jesused inhabitants.
He got shot to shit with arrows (natch), but before that happened he’d apparently planned to shower them with Christian fellowship and gifts and say something like this:
“I bring you the good news of our Lord Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and your only path to heaven. Love Him or be tortured for a grim eternity!
“Also, the most powerful country in the world is run by an evil orange ogre who could destroy everything you see with his tiny oily finger. And millions of us are doing our best to sink the only home you know into the ocean by driving thousands of miles to Branson to see Larry the Cable Guy. Also, Darth Vader is Luke’s father. Oh, don’t shake my hand; I think I might have Asian bird flu. Merry Christmas!”
Anyway, Chau’s death was undeniably his own fault. For one thing, attempting to make contact with the Sentinelese is extremely illegal. Not just because you’re sure to get killed, but also because it’s a grave danger to the islanders themselves, who have no natural immunity to Western diseases. Just by landing on the island, Chau might have started an epidemic that could wipe out its entire population.
Also, every time outsiders have come near the island, the natives have tried to pelt their boats or helicopters with arrows. So there’s no reason to believe you’d be an exception, unless you think Jesus has personally chosen you to visit the heathen Sentinelese to try to spread the word of God faster than chickenpox.
So let’s just chalk this up to one idiot who broke the law and died because of it.
And that’s the end of the story, unless you think fundamentalist American Christians are the most persecuted group on the planet, that is.
And that’s just what International Christian Concern — whose website resides at (not kidding) Persecution.org — would have you think.
The group is now calling for justice for the “murder” of Chau.
American Missionary Reportedly Murdered by Hostile Tribe in India
International Christian Concern (ICC) has learned that an American missionary named John Allen Chau, age 27, was reportedly killed by unidentified individuals from the Sentinelese community on North Sentinel Island, located in India’s Andaman and Nicobar Islands. This murder comes at a time when Indian Christians report ever escalating levels of persecution across the country.
According to local sources, Chau had traveled to North Sentinel Island with the help of local fishermen in an attempt to interact with members of the Sentinelese tribe. Chau reportedly hired a fishing dinghy from the Chidiyatapu area and traveled to North Sentinel Island on November 16. Chau had reportedly visited the Andaman and Nicobar Islands on five previous occasions and had expressed a strong desire to meet with the Sentinelese tribes to preach Christianity.
Sources claim that Chau was killed by hostile members of the Sentinelese tribe after arriving on North Sentinel Island. The Andaman Sheekha reported that his body was spotted by local fishermen.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Bad Christians!
The Sentinelese aren’t “murderers.” And they aren’t “hostile.” They were protecting themselves from an intruder they had every reason to believe was an existential threat to their tribe and culture.
You mean to tell me it’s okay for a white guy to shoot an innocent black kid in a hoodie, but when an isolated tribe kills a “missionary” who had no business talking to them and every reason to believe he’d be mowed down with arrows, they’re brutal murderers?
Since when are they subject to our laws? Leave them alone, for God’s sake!
Remember this when people start complaining about a crèche being removed from public land or a Starbucks cup that isn’t quite Jesus-y enough. Persecution is the right-wing fundamentalist Christian’s stock in trade. It’s what gets them out of bed in the morning.
And there’s simply no end to the absurdities they’ll swallow in order to prove they’re victims.
So Merry War on Christmas, Kossacks. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
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