GOP source: Trump skipped World War I ceremony because of … his hair

The White House has offered conflicting explanations for why Donald Trump canceled a planned visit to honor America’s fallen World War I soldiers over the weekend. Either the Secret Service told him he couldn’t go (until he finished his creamed spinach, maybe?) or he was sincerely worried about causing French people traffic delays. (Did Sarah Sanders really think anyone would believe that one?)

But the real reason? Yup, you guessed it.

His hair.

From Gabriel Sherman at Vanity Fair:

Trump skipped attending a rain-soaked ceremony at the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery to honor the Battle of Belleau Wood. When his absence became a scandal, the White House said the decision had been made because Marine One reportedly could not fly in the rain, and Secret Service did not want Trump traveling by motorcade. One Republican briefed on the internal discussions said the real reason Trump did not want to go was because there would be no tent to stand under. “He was worried his hair was going to get messed up in the rain,” the source said. “[John] Bolton and everyone was telling him this was a big mistake.” A former administration official said Trump hates being outside in wet conditions. “What I honestly think? He woke up and said, ‘It’s pouring rain. This is a joke and I’m not doing this.’”

And now we’ve officially jumped the snark. Real life has killed satire. 

Political parody: 3,000 B.C.E.-November 14, 2018. RIP

In other breaking news, Donald Trump is nucking futs:

“This is a level of insanity I’ve never seen before,” one former West Wing staffer told me. Current and former officials are debating different theories for Trump’s outbursts, ranging from his fears over his son Don Jr.’s legal exposure to the prospect that House Democrats will unleash investigations in January. “He’s under a tremendous amount of mental stress,” one prominent Republican close to him told me.

Level of insanity we’ve never seen before? From Donald Trump?

Okay, now I’m really scared.

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