Trump: Florence is 'one of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water'

So much for my unpublished epic novel From the Standpoint of Water. You kind of stole my thunder, Trump. F you, man.

So this quote will go down in history with “Ask not what your country can do for you …” and “Four score and seven years ago …

September 19, 2018: “One of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water.” — Donald J. Trump

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And in other news, water is wet! Oh, wait, he already said that.

How can his video tweets from the White House lawn be more nonsensical than the shit he writes at 3 a.m. on the toilet? That’s what I want to know.

But I’m glad he cleared this up. I was worried the hurricane might be wet from the standpoint of Grape Fanta. Or maybe Oobleck.

This is like having a drunk grandfather you desperately hope doesn’t wander downstairs naked while you’re having a sleepover. This is who we are now. A bunch of mortified little kids waiting for the next shoe to drop.

O Canada, please help us! Please!

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Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.