This isn’t really a diary about the n-word. Unindicted co-conspirators (that has a nice ring, huh?) who don’t use the n-word are still unindicted co-conspirators (just rolls off the tongue, right?).
This is a diary meant to reassure us that — oh hell yeah — Republicans really are that crazy. Sometimes it’s easy to overlook because, slowly but surely over the past three years, they’ve moved the mentally-stable-genius goalposts into the Land of Narnia.
So, anyway, an Economist/YouGov survey conducted seemingly decades ago when the scandal du jour was Donald Trump’s alleged use of the n-word found that 64 percent of Republicans thought that “a person who uses the 'N-word' while in office can still be a good President of the United States.”
And that’s not even the crazy part. This is:
The poll also asked respondents if they thought previous presidents used the N-word in office, because why not? Republicans were more likely to believe that Democratic presidents like John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton “probably” used the racial slur—which is interesting considering Republicans are also more likely than Democrats to support a candidate who has used the word. Astoundingly, 34 percent of Republicans polled thought perhaps our softest president, Jimmy Carter, definitely or probably used the N-word during his term in the White House, while only 31 percent thought Trump definitely or probably used the word since becoming president.
If Carter accidentally nail-gunned his medulla oblongata to a drywall stud while building a home for Habitat for Humanity, the worst I can imagine coming out of his mouth is, “Ohhh, fart-boogers, Rosalyn. I’ve really done it this time.”
And then there’s this:
Another interesting tidbit from the poll: 13 percent of Republicans think Trump is the best president in history, while 21 percent said Abraham Lincoln, dispelling Trump's repeated assertion that he is more popular among Republicans than “our Honest Abe.” One percent of Democrats think Trump is the best president in history, and honestly, if you are one of those Democrats, I have so many questions for you!
I mean, I’ve heard of recency bias, but sheesh. If you think Trump is the best president in history, you need to schedule an MRI tout de suite.
Then again, when I visit Trump in prison, which I hope to do soon, this poll will at least be something to reminisce about: “Hey, remember when 13 percent of Republicans thought you were the best president in history? Hey, who’s paying for that wall, us or Mexico? You know, there are very fine people on both sides of these prison bars, that I can tell you. Okay, so do you want me to hand you the Diet Coke, or would you prefer to drink it through the bars with your head tilted back like a gerbil? Talk to you later, Sparky!”
And now you’ve peered far too deeply into my daily fantasy life. That will be all.
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.