Aww. Is Melania's widdle man getting cranky again? Who else but Trumplethinskin could spend the weekend in the finest suite, in a schlock golf palace that he owns, playing endless rounds, tearing up the greens with his overloaded cart, and still cop a mope? Even teething toddlers aren't this petulant, we're talking a unique breed of snowflake here.
The Washington Post is reporting that His Lowness is bitching and moaning privately to his advisers about North Korea's apparent reticence in making Trump appear as the greatest political statesman since Benjamin Disraeli. Forget the fact that everybody tried to warn him in advance of the North Koreans tried and tested negotiating techniques, Trump was sure that his personal magnetism, and Ringling Brothers center ring hairdo would do the trick. And like a cat who is the only one in the room that doesn't realize that it's a closed sliding door until he takes a flying header into it, he's the only one who's surprised that everybody is laughing at him as he staggers around afterwards.
Little Lord Tauntleroy is upset with Kim jong-Un's failure to comply with the terms of the agreement they signed at the summit in June. News flash for Herr Twitler. When you sign an agreement with the title “DPRK'S Honey-Do List,” it is not going into the “Immediate Attention” basket. The Koreans like to take their time. I make my own kimchi, and hell, that takes 5 days! Completing dismantling their entire nuclear arms infrastructure should be completed about a week after the rapture. And what did Trump expect? Kim wears a tyrolean hat without a feather in it, and that's like getting a BLT without the bacon.
Trump isn't the only one who is upset, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and the negotiators assigned to North Korean are birds of ruffled plumage too. The North Koreans are cancelling negotiating sessions at the last moment, demanding more money, stalling on returning the remains of slain US service members in the Korean war, and Kim was too busy getting a Brazilian bikini wax to see Pompeo the last time he blew into town. In other words, as special as Trump is, the North Koreans are treating him exactly the way they've treated every American President since Eisenhower. I don't know why Trump is so thick, I only had to get divorced once to learn that once the checks stop coming in, they don't take your phone calls anymore.
This is why Trump's most recent diplomatic meltdown with Putin is so beneficial for Trump right now. With North Korea, Trump came off like a rube playing the ring toss game at the county fair, promising his girl the giant teddy, and bragging that the kewpie doll was just the start, he'll knock 'em dead at the balloon dart toss stall. As long as people are screaming at Trump for being in Putin's hip pocket, they aren't giving him grief about letting Kim jong-Un out of his closet, and not putting him back.
But the ruse won't last, the word has already leaked. Mein Furor's faithful footman, Lindsey Graham went on the Sunday talk shows yesterday to look straight into the cameras and demand that his Liege reinstate the exercises with South Korea. And Mike Pompeo is scheduled to appear in committee this week, in open session, to file his book report. Most of the session will probably deal with how to extract Trump's fluffy head out of Putin's ass, but Pompeo is furious at Trump for setting him up to fail with North Korea, and he's going to want to beat his chest, telling congress all of the really hard core shit that he'd do to North Korea if only his boss would take the choker chain off.
This is what makes Trump so funny, and at the same time so self destructive. Trump went into the summit with Kim riding a fantasy perception. He came out declaring that Kim jong-Un was the finest Southeast Asian dictator since Pol Pot. He assured us all that we could sleep like babies, like him, since North Korea was no longer a nuclear threat, and proudly proclaimed that North Korea had returned 200 sets of remains, when they have done no such thing. Normally, Trump rids himself of an obvious failure with a timely distraction. But when the world sees the only nuclear armed nation led by an infantile madman, other than the United States, it's kind of hard to distract from that.
So, the only immediate remedy for Trump to avoid being publicly called on the carpet for his diplomatic impotence with North Korea is to play up Vlad the Imp for all he;s worth. Personally, I get the feeling that if it wasn't for the fact that Putin has an even larger crime family to run than Trump does, he'd invite him over to Bedminster for bacon cheeseburgers and cokes every weekend until hell freezes over. But please, leave the hookers in Moscow, that shit just isn't funny anymore.
The wait is over! Volume two of the trilogy, President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange is now available. Amazon is whining about me crashing their site, but the hell with them, I ain't in this for their health. You can also find volume one, President Evil here as well. And fear not, work on volume three is just beginning.
Cross posted on Politizoom.com