Headlines from the past two weeks, after being passed through my fantasy filter.

April 30, 2012 by pileofbabies

"Douchebags everywhere in search of new pick up line -- 'I Work for the Secret Service' now subject to ridicule."

"Rupert Murdoch knew nothing. Insists staff said 'EARMUFFS, RUPERT!' when discussing hacking."

"New phrase for condescension sweeps the nation: 'If a blind man can escape from house arrest, then you can change the toilet paper roll......darling.'"

"Charles Taylor Found Guilty -- Of stealing a nation's heart. And by 'heart' we mean 'hands.'"